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Coming out
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| littlepinecone |
Posted on December 19 2007 06:22 AM
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Member
Location: US
Posts: 15
Joined: 2007-12-19
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I've known I've always had something like this. I'll spare you all the gory details of terror in math classes, crying in school bathrooms after failing, again, another math class or the absolute panic of having to calculate change or tips when dining out.
Like a former poster, I think I've overcompensated in many areas of my life to make up for it or distract from it. I'm great verbally and write well, and throw myself into tasks and my work. I've been told I have a great "work ethic" and and am an overachiever. I feel like a fraud because it's not success that motivates me, but my fear.
I realize now that it's affected nearly every major decision I've ever made. For example, unlike some posters who were afraid to go to college after high school because of the fear of having to use basic math, one of the major motivators for me to to college was to not have to work at a register or in retail. It seems really odd reasoning now, but I'm glad for it. I'm just sad that fear was one of my motivators.
I (somehow, barely) got through basic college math. I have my BA in journalism and am planning on grad school in the fall (my program does not require a GRE). I'm trying to find a temp/part time job right in a new city and am terrified of temp work because I believe they test you on basic math skills. I had a huge fight with my fiance last night because he thinks that I think I'm too good for it. It's horrible and I feel like I'm forced to finally think about this. Does anyone else have similar thoughts? Like, no one knows about this in their life and is really afraid of "coming out." |
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| Laura |
Posted on December 19 2007 01:52 PM
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Member
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1229
Joined: 2006-11-16
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Hey littlepinecone and welcome to the forum 
I have never told my family about possibly having Dyscalculia. As you can tell i have never been diagnosised. I think i feel kinda ashamed and embarrassed. Don't know why though?
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT |
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| Toe_Nail |
Posted on December 19 2007 07:40 PM
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Member
Location: No value
Posts: 915
Joined: 2006-08-13
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Welcome littlepinecone
littlepinecone wrote:
...Does anyone else have similar thoughts? Like, no one knows about this in their life and is really afraid of "coming out."
Oh yes. I would even ad that your thoughts/behaviour are typically dyscalculic.
You also wrote:
I'm trying to find a temp/part time job right in a new city and am terrified of temp work because I believe they test you on basic math skills. I had a huge fight with my fiance last night because he thinks that I think I'm too good for it. It's horrible and I feel like I'm forced to finally think about this.
I been there... often...I know how that feels. Though there is something that strikes me; You say that your fiance thinks that you think you are too good for the job - Obviously, he doesn't have a clue what's going on, does he? I would like to suggest that perhaps you should tell him the truth, tell him how terrified you really are? Afterall, he's your fiance and you can't realistically expect to have an honnest, lasting relationship with him if you can't trust him enough to tell him what are your fears and seek comfort and/or a shoulder to cry on from time to time
I know it's not easy. Me too I zealously overcompensate, I get that feeling of 'impostor syndrome', I'm also a fighter and I'm very proud... too proud at times to dare ask for help... You know, you may actually be very suprised of your fiance's reaction.
I had gone through a similar crissis a little over a year ago. There was a temporary job offer wich involved entering number data in a computer. Because we had a bit of some financial trouble at that time, my boyfriend and I could have well used that extra money and I felt obligated to take the job. However, because I was too embarassed to admit that the job terrified me, my boyfriend and I had a huge argument. Then shortly after our argument, the pressure and the fear that I was feeling was so great that I nearly fainted. I started shaking and crying uncontrollably. Uppon seeing me in that state, my boyfriend realised that something was wrong. He took me in his arms and asked me what was going on. I told him that I once was viciously fired from a job which involved entering number data and that the thought of accepting that job was really terrifying me to death. I kept re-living in my mind the day I was fired and hearing over all of the nasty things my boss screamed at me - My boyfriend was in shock. I had never told him that story before. And then he said that he didn't want to force me to do anything that I didn't want and said that he didn't want me to take that job since it scared me so much.
... like I said, you may be suprised of your fiance's reaction 
Edited by Toe_Nail on December 19 2007 07:57 PM
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer -- Albert Einstein |
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| evie dee |
Posted on December 19 2007 09:07 PM
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Member
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 570
Joined: 2007-12-01
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Here's my two cents-a job is a job. Who cares if you're a temp, or scrubbing toilets. You're making money-so that's all that matters. Temp work is nothing to be a sahamed about. I suppose you're fiance wants you to be home all the time and barefoot and preggers, too?
I just applied for a job at a call center and I have the interview next week. I don't reveal the fact that I have ADD or Dyscalculia unless it comes up. |
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| Countess |
Posted on December 19 2007 10:06 PM
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Administrator
Location: Germany
Posts: 850
Joined: 2005-10-02
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Hi littlepinecone and welcome to the forum
'You should really be sympathetic to people who suffer 'Normalism' (Geoff)
My Child (born 97) has Dyscalculia
Sorry for any spelling mistakes ;-) |
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| littlepinecone |
Posted on December 20 2007 12:53 AM
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Member
Location: US
Posts: 15
Joined: 2007-12-19
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evie dee, that was exactly my finance's point. I've always been a very industrious person, and so my shying away from work that would help us both out was very out of character for me. He doesn't know about this, so what else can he assume? It's not his fault. Toe_Nail, your right. I do need to talk with him. This has come up several times in our relationship in some form or another, It's not something that I should be hiding- for both our sakes. |
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| Kathy |
Posted on December 20 2007 07:50 AM
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Member
Location: Bribie Island Queensland Australia
Posts: 406
Joined: 2005-04-03
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Hi littlepinecone
Welcome to the forum! (love your name) if it helps when I first started going out with my husband I told him - eventually - that I was really hopeless with maths, I finaly felt it was better to be up front and let him know what I was like. Turns out he was really embarrassed because he came from a poor family and thought i was too good for him! (as if I cared! super spunky guy with dark hair blue eyes)
Any how -20 years of marriage, two great kids and working together in our business he's still my spunky guy - (although a little less of the dark hair -still great blue eyes though). Be brave, It does take a little bit of confidence to tell people about dyscalculia and my husband was one of the first people I could trust to tell. Chat with your partner - I don't believe in our wedding vows I said I agree to "love, cherish and balance our cheque book no matter what"
Funnily enough I worked as a receptionist before I got married and it was the one and only time I got fired after one week. For - wait for it being "Too Happy" I didn't realise that the firm delt with fore closures on properties and I waswhen I answered the phone so you see my dyscalculia had nothing to do with that one!
Cheers for now and see you in the forum
Albert Einstein said: "Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count!." |
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