As you've probably gathered i'm new here (duh!) and I just wanted to say hi and tell you about my experiences as a dyscalculic.
I've not actually formally been tested for it but having read online and listened to and watched various articles on the subject and taken free tests online both I and my family are convinced I am.
I feel completely failed by the education system. I managed to travel through the whole of primary and secondary education without anyone really taking any great interest in my lack of ability in relation to maths (especially seeing as I was top in most other subjects). My sister suffered the same fate as well. She's 3 years younger than me and has only just recently been diagnosed with dyslexia in her first year of university. I know dyslexia gets a much bigger and better press than it used to and as such some people on here might envy those with it because they do get diagnosed with it but in my opinion it still doesn't get enough (I was on a teaching course until recently and most people had no idea what it really meant) and dyscalculia most certainly does not.
When I first started school my teacher told my mum that i'd always have a problem with maths. Why didn't they do anything to help me then? Why have I had to spend most of my growing years feeling confused and alone and stupid?
It took me the whole of primary school for me to learn how to spot o'clock and half past on my watch which I've learned from doing some teaching as part of my university degree that most children can do that by about 6 or 7 years old! I still have trouble telling the time now. I have a digital watch set to 12 hour times so I don't have to count around the face and I can't tell the difference between the hour and minute hand (problematic if you're trying to teach children to tell the time).
I've only ever managed to keep 1 times, 5 times and 10 times tables in my head and even then I need to count them so if I needed to do 5x5 i'd have to do 1 - 5 x to work it out. I can't just say the answer.
I can remember certain bits of mathematical theory. Like I know the rules of trigonometry but I couldn't tell you what it's used for or use it to work out the answer to a problem that needed it as I can't connect the two or do the maths using the theory. I get in a hilarious muddle.
I got a C in my GCSE maths. Something which i'm immensely proud of. I came running out to my parents after collecting my results all A-C's and even though I had an A in my ICT I ran up to my mum crying I got a C in maths! I owe my mother big time for that. She spent hours revising with me. Sat on the dining room table with my revision book and Lego bricks to help me count. She watched me carefully as she explained a problem and how to solve it and listened and watched as I smiled and nodded as she continued and slowly watched my eyes glaze and the smile go and was replaced by a look of abject horror as her explanation went in one ear and out the other.
I've always said to people that I was rubbish at maths and couldn't do it. It seems a perfectly normal thing to say because so many people do it. I liken it to one of my more recent experiences (and the reason why I'm not on my teaching course anymore). I am currently suffering with depression and stress. People exclaim all the time that they're stressed or depressed and I'm sure they are but is it just they're feeling a little bit flustered or down or is it that there is something beyond that. There is a difference between feeling a little bit anxious and stressy and spending hours awake at night unable to sleep, throwing up because you're so anxious and stressed that you just can't face getting up, when you do get up you throw up because you're so stressed about the day ahead and then you don't eat because you feel you have no time to and know what will happen if you do. There are people out there who i'm sure say that they are bad at maths when they actually are reasonably OK and can manage but aren't keen on maths or have relatively minor difficulties compared to those who really do truly struggle with it to the point that affects their whole life.
I've always likened the problems I had to dyslexia but with numbers not words and it wasn't until the final year of my degree course in Education studies (I was planning on becoming a teacher) when we had a lecture on dyslexia and dyspraxia and the lecturer happened to briefly mention that her nephew had been diagnosed with dyscalculia and that was like dyslexia with numbers that I even knew that it could actually be a real LD. I googled "dyslexia with numbers" and came across sites about dyscalculia and lists of symptoms and it was like something somewhere in my head had been unlocked. Everything suddenly made sense.
Even though I now know what it is it's still hard to cope with but at least I know i'm not alone. My partner of 2 years still hasn't quite grasped what I can and can't do. I went to stay at his house for three weeks (have only just got back actually). He lives on the coast, I was hoping for some summer sun and the opportunity to go to the beach. I'd said I could maybe get a bus while he was out at work and go then. Until I realised just how complicated his bus system was! Not only do I not have map reading skills so I couldn't figure out where the stop was in relation to his house (he tried in vain to give me directions but I have no hope with those and I don't know the area at all); then I had the problem of reading the timetable to work out what time the bus was and what the string of digits that was the time meant; and then once i'd got on the bus i'd have to navigate myself from the bus stop to the beach and then reverse it to get home. It reduced me to tears and he just couldn't work out what was so difficult.
In the end we gave up on the beach idea and he took me in with him to work and set me off wondering around the town he works in which has a harbour and a straight up and down high street. Not too difficult to navigate but still tricky for me who has trouble when they exit a shop remembering which direction they were heading in before they entered the shop and which direction they should continue in. I think I gave him a clue of how bad my direction skills, memory and spacial awareness when we went to get him some cash at a retail park near him. I wanted to go to ASDA to get some flowers for his parents to say thank you for having me. We walked past ASDA looking in at the people who were eating mcdonalds (they have a restaurant inside of the store) and I even commented on them and knew that it was ASDA because of the mcdonalds. We got to the ATM machine less than 100 yards from the store and he got cash out. He made to go back in the direction of ASDA and I said "wait you're going the wrong way don't we want to go to ASDA?" and made to go back towards the ATM and a little beyond. This really confused him and he said "but that way is B&Q isn't it? Unless they have an entrance I don't know about? We've just been past ASDA". I'd managed to loose track of my location simply by stopping . He's still intent on giving me directions to places though and so are other people who know full well i'm rubbish at remembering like my mum who frequently says "you know _________ street? well you turn right there" Yes I know it exists but somehow I can't place it anywhere. Places merge together that are miles apart!
I'd love to get a test to find out if I am but it seems the only way to do that is to still be in education. If anyone knows different please tell me as it's been a great help being able to put a name to how I feel.
My name is Gail I'm 36 and live in the UK. I hadn't heard of this condition until like Pinkymoo, I feel let down by the educational establishment. I am unable to find my way round difficult routes, I was bullied at school because I couldn't follow the rules in team games, and sports.I too lose track of where I am
Do any of you know any info on how to get a test and is there any treatment to help me simply learn my way around numbers.
Location: Texas USA Posts: 6135 Joined: 2008-05-25
Dear Pinkymoo and gail joanne,
Welcome to both of you. You both ask about testing, and I think that that is an excellent starting point. Gail Joanne, you are in UK, so I know that the UK'ers will be getting on the forum soon and have lots of good places for you to research where and how to get tested.
Pinkymoo, you could go into your profile on the forum and give us a bit of an idea of your location,... maybe just your State and USA. But I want to say right now that I don't think it's a good idea for any of us to put our birthdate on the internet, even when using a pseudonym.
I had a wonderful experience today. I went to an appointment at a DARS office in Fort Worth, Texas, USA. (DARS is Disability Assistive Rehabilatative Services.) I'm very poor and unable to pay for the math disability test, so I qualify for being tested without charge. I'll receive an appointment in a couple of weeks to go to a psychologist to be tested. It's a three-hour test. One psychologist in the area charges $375.00 US for the test. And I've heard of people being charged as much as $1,200.00 US. In at least one College (Texas Wesleyan College), they will waive the math requirement and give a diploma if a person's diagnosis is positive for dyscalculia.
Pinkymoo, please do something for yourself. If you have amalgam fillings in your teeth, have them removed and replaced with the white epoxy. Get all the metal out of your mouth. Amalgams in particular contain mercury. Have you ever heard of the 'mad hatter'? Makers of felt hats used to use mercury in the process. Your dentist may not be very talkative about those fillings, but he/she will remove them if you just say that you think they are ugly and would like to have them replaced. Be sure to ask the dentist to use a 'rubber dam' while drilling out the fillings, so none of the little pieces will go down your throat. You may have to have 1/4 of your mouth done in one appointment, and 1/4 the next, and so on. After they are all out, I'm sure you will feel much better.
So many of the things that you both mention have been my experiences, too. Knowing about dyscalculia explains so many things that I couldn't do, no matter how hard I tried. Knowing the truth is liberating. I wasn't bad at sight reading music because I didn't practice enough. I was bad at it because of dyscalculia. All the shame of sour notes played under stress is more bearable now. For all the effort I put into it, I should have been a famous concert pianist, ha.
Edited by justfoundout on June 11 2008 11:09 PM
Location: Island of Misfit Toys Posts: 620 Joined: 2007-10-25
Hello and welcome to both Pinky Moo and Gail Joanne,
Glad to hear you feel somewhat better now the you have an idea what might be wrong. I, myself don't really have navigational issues but it I seem to be an exception. Most others do.
I do however have to battle the depression associated with dealing with LD's. That is something I hope you do something about.
As far as testing goes I was tested (very much so) in elementry school. I do need to be tested for Asperger's but that is another story.
There are many on this forum also in the UK who have great advice as to testing sources. Apparently neither of you are in school any more, which would be a help for testing/assistance purposes.
Good luck to both of you and I look forward to reading more from you.
"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused..."
Thanks for all your posts. It's uplifting to know others out there care.
Yes very sensible not to include my DOB justfoundout. I went to remove it but someone or something already has!
I'm from the UK too. More specifically Northish England. I say Northish as i'm not quite sure where I am on the map (I think the dyscalculia may be to blame for that) and as you mentioned it isn't good to give away too much on the net and if I told you where I lived then you'd know to much!
I have looked around a bit at where I can go to get tested but I seem to have drawn a blank because it seems I have to be being educated at this moment in time for me to be tested which I think stinks really.
If you can be tested for an allergy or disease or any other kind of disability at any time in your life why can't you be tested for a learning disability? You don't just stop learning when you leave school so why stop testing people when they leave the education system?
The process you go through to get tested at university seems awfully complicated and stressful as well. As I mentioned my sister was tested for dyslexia earlier this year. She had to have a recommendation from her tutor to be tested. She couldn't just go and ask for one by herself under her own fruition. She started university in early October they tested her early December and she got the results early February I think. So that’s 5 months she’d already had to wait this year let alone the countless years of education she’d missed out on help with (Yes I had to count on my fingers to work that out!). Then when they decided that she was bordering on severely dyslexic they had to inform her local education authority and they had to agree that she had dyslexia and needed assistance. They agreed thankfully. In the meantime she had relatively little help with her studies (apart from my mum spending the whole of her Easter holidays helping her to write up essays etc). The education authority decided to give her a PC which has special software on it which would dictate passages to her and check her spelling and grammar but they didn’t deliver this PC until 3 weeks from the end of her summer term and when they did deliver it she wasn’t allowed to open the boxes and use it she had to wait a further week for some “technicians” to come and put the thing together and install the software! She is incredibly computer literate and could have put the thing together herself and it turned out they left her to install and learn how to use the software herself anyway!
I went through the whole of my university degree (which I graduated with 2:1 honours last July) not even knowing I could get help. That degree was ironically Education Studies and Theology. A degree which essentially taught you about the English education system and included lectures on dyslexia and dyspraxia and was supposedly a degree which was a feeder to the PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education) which is one route into teaching and should be informing future teachers of the current education system and also the changes that were having now and in the near future; upcoming legislation, theories and also the knowhow on how to deal with these. Admittedly it was how I found out about dyscalculia but that wasn’t planned. I got the information from an off the cuff remark from a lecturer who had personal experience of it within her family. One sentence amongst thousands of lectures lasting 3 years!
I started out on the PGCE this year as my intention was to become a teacher. It’s a very scary thought being a teacher. I’m passionate about helping others and I’d vowed to myself I’d not let any of the children I taught struggle like I did with maths or any other subjects. It’s blighted me through my degree and through teaching it. In fact I dreaded standing in front of the class every maths lesson. Even if it was something they’d not done before and they probably didn’t know as much as I did I’d think they knew more than me. I can’t do my tables so they’d always get the answer before I did and I couldn’t use the excuse that I wasn’t good at maths because it just breeds the acceptability of it in my mind. I did talk to my tutor about this and she said I could get tested for dyscalculia by the college but seeing how long it was taking my sister to be tested and diagnosed I knew it wouldn’t do me any good just add to my stress and take time away from me which I needed for planning and essay writing etc.
I’ve since had to take a break from my PGCE due to stress and depression. I didn’t start the year well as I had the stress of my new housemate breaking her leg. She swapped rooms with me because I was on the ground floor, she took advantage of my good nature and had me pushing her around everywhere in a wheelchair even though she could walk on her crutches and when I finally snapped and explained to her politely I needed help occasionally to push her around and do things for her. She got all nasty and basically said I just wanted my room back and not to worry she’d be out my hair soon and went home saying she was never coming back. My housemates pleaded with her to come back and she did but since then i’ve felt like she treats me like a second class citizen. She’s since apparently forgiven me. She still depended on me a lot though and is always worrying and moaning about how badly she’s doing despite passing everything. Meanwhile I was finding it harder and harder. We have to do maths and English tests and pass them in order to pass the course. I failed my maths and she passed hers with almost 100% despite claiming she had dyscalculia too, having watched her do maths and all the other things I struggle with perfectly well it made me angry.
I struggled to keep up with the work and I failed my school placement failed the English test because of the stress of keeping up and then almost failed another assignment because I physically didn’t have the time to get it in (it was due in the week after a major placement and i’d spent so much time trying to keep my head above water with the placement my other work slipped). Over almost the whole of the month long placement I was throwing up, not eating, not sleeping and felt so stressed that I felt I had no time to relax. I didn’t eat because I felt I didn’t have time to so I just skipped the meals. When my tutor asked me how it was going, after telling me she could see something was up, I told her but she did nothing to help which just utterly shattered me and my self confidence. I felt hopeless. I finally buckled when I couldn’t hand my assignment in and phoned my dad who helped me get an extension, went to see the doctor who diagnosed me with stress and depression and i’ve been off since and have suspended my studies until January.
Partly I feel my depression and stress is dyscalculia related as i’ve always felt slightly depressed where it comes to maths and have real low self esteem. I’m currently looking for a job to do while I decide whether I want to go back. I saw a dream job in a window the other day. It was seasonal work in a fudge shop on the coast (my bf lives down south, we met on the net). I love fudge. I love that shop and the staff in there. But the sign said must have good mathematical skills. I know how they operate in that shop. It’s almost all done in their heads on not on the tills. It saddens me I can’t bring myself to even apply because of that.
Location: That would require me to know where I was Posts: 429 Joined: 2008-06-08
Can you move out of the living arrangement so you don't have to deal with the housemate? That may help with the stress level. I don't know if they have it in the UK, but the cell (mobile) phone provider I use has a navigation feature which can be added to phones and it will speak directions to you. I've used it in my car & occasionally on foot. It would be cheaper to just buy one for the car, but then it wouldn't be as portable, which I sometimes need, especially if I'm in an unfamiliar area. And as for the buses, don't know if they have it there, but where I am, you can call the transit authority to ask them which bus you need to take, which stop & they will say the times out loud.
Re: Diagnosis, I think I posted some links to UK resources in reply to Wiley's thread earlier this week, you may want to take a look at that. When I feel overwhelmed, I find it helps to focus on a few priority tasks, say the housing situation and getting diagnosed so you can get the proper support when you return to your education.
Location: Texas USA Posts: 6135 Joined: 2008-05-25
Hi Pinky Moo,
You are just such a helpful, self-sacrificing person that you didn't take care of YOURSELF this time. I've done that, too. And your story reminded me very much of a generous chiropractor that I once knew. He bought a house across from his office, so very sick patients from out of state would have a place to stay cheap (or free), gave away vitamins to very sick, poor, patients, and ended up 'over-extended' on his credit. This made him feel awful, as image is important to a professional's success. All good-hearted people have done this to themselves at one time or another. And maybe we dyscalculics have a somewhat slower learning curve about it than others.
Don't forget my paragraph about removing amalgam teeth fillings. It can give a dramatic health (and mental health) improvement.
Lisa_F has posted her usual wonderful, helpful advice and ideas. Nice to see you again, Lisa_F.
Hi Lisa, I have moved out of the house. I'm back living with my parents having given up doing my PGCE for now. I don't know whether we have that kind of facilities for mobiles but i'll look it up. You can ring to find out bus times and even sometimes send a text message from your mobile to a service to find out the next bus that's due to arrive.
I'm trying to prioritse things. I thought by giving myself a breather from my course it would give me some time to think. I've had counselling over my stress and depression which I got through college but that's stopped since I decided to put my course on hold.
I thought doing this would make me less stressed. In truth although i'm now not stressed about teaching i'm now stressed about trying to find something to do instead as teaching is all i've ever done. I'm looking at jobs and so far I can't seem to find any which I think I'd be competent at. I don't want factory work as i've done that as students summer jobs and it bored the hell out of me. I have a 2:1 degree in Education Studies and theology and my pyscosymetric tests I've done sugest all i'm fit for is Education or the priesthood!
I feel almost scared of getting a job because i'm afraid I won't be able to cope. Every job I find I seems to have elements in it my dyscalculia doesn't help with. They want me to have good organisational skills, be good at data handling and use databases and spreadsheets (if there is one thing I can't understand more than numbers it's numbers in boxes!).
I've just spent the evening chatting to my partner online (we have a long distance relationship as we met online, he lives on side of the country and I live the other) talking about all of this. I don't think he quite understands how soul destroying this is for me. I've failed at being a teacher the one thing I thought I might just be o.k at and I have no idea what I want to do next or instead of it. I have to rebuild my CV which I lost when my computer died a death and I haven't really done much with since leaving school and i've had no experience or training on how to write one. I tried reading the how to guides on the net and they just confused me especially as they all seemed to gear towards a specific job and I don't have a job in mind I just want work at the moment so I have money.
The work I have done is either through agencies which was all manual labour or i've gotten through being friendly with people. So i've never really properly had interviews and used my CV and when I have i've failed miserably.
I'm just heartbroken and want to give up and curl up in a dark corner somewhere and it feels like everyone is getting at me about it now and loosing their patience and I feel pathetic for being such a wimp and being all winey about it when everyone else can manage to get on perfectly well and find themselves a job.
Thanks for the advice justfoundout. I have fillings but I don't think they're mercury ones.
My main problem is that I have no self confidence, I underplay my abilities (whatever they are as apparently everyone tells me I have them but never say what they are). I'm shy by nature and I don't have the confidence to boast about myself and what i'm worth. I worry a lot too.
Location: Middle Georgia - USA Posts: 38 Joined: 2008-05-29
pinkymoo - after reading what you’ve posted above, all I can say is: “Woo-hoo – Congratulations! You appear to be absolutely and totally ‘normal’!”
Think about it: If you weren’t depressed (no matter if it were only a little bit) after coming to the realization that there are things you can’t do because of the wonky (but wonderful) way your brain works, there’d be something seriously wrong with you! Anyone, anyone ‘normal,’ would not meekly accept that information with “Ha Ha; how funny – and, so what?” Only the abnormal would respond that way…and you, like countless others over the decades, didn’t; ergo: your reaction is totally normal. And absolutely expected.
[You ever read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ “On Death and Dying”? There are ‘stages’ everyone goes through –predictable, universal, ‘normal’ stages– on their way to acceptance of devastating news. And, like it or not, even though you have to know for sure –for your own sanity– if you have the LD or not, a diagnosis of “dyscalculia” is devastating news—there is such a finality to it.]
I know, I know, being in the depths of depression, it’s next to impossible to see the ‘sunny side’ of anything – nigh on to impossible to see anything but the dark…the all-encompassing, ‘ooomph’-stealing, soul-crushing dark. I’m not dismissing or making light of the depression; I know it’s real and an almost unbearable weight – one that might quite possibly (most probably) need doctor-prescribed medications to help you through this really, really rough spot – there is no shame in seeking and getting that help…just as there’s no shame in having dyscalculia. That said, and keeping what you posted above in my mind, I’m just tossing out here something for you to think about to see if, maybe, maybe what I share can help let into your outlook a little bit of “Yeah, it will be OK - despite the damned LD” for you.
“Dyscalculia” slams shut to you many doors that are open to others. And that sucks. Big time. Go ahead and mourn all those slammed-closed doors for a bit - for as long as you need to…butwhile you’re mourning, keep an eye out for the windows next to the doors and/or for other doors. If the object is to get into the house, there is nothing that says you can only get in via the front door –there’s no reason why you can’t get into the house through a window or even through the kitchen door.
If your heart’s passion is to work with, say, environmental issues, not being able to formulate statistics on, say, whale populations in the Pacific (because of dysc), is not the ‘and that’s final; you simply can’t’ response to your getting into the field your very soul is screaming at you to get into. Discovering where the whale’s food sources are, is equally important to the study/field—and might be equally satisfying and fulfilling. Listening to their ‘songs’ and trying to decipher what those ‘songs’ mean, is equally important to the field/study and might also be equally satisfying and fulfilling in meeting your heart’s passion. Sure, the ‘front door’ is shut, but the windows and other doors are still wide open for you…just waiting for you to discover them and waltz right through.
As I said, your ‘reaction’ to having dyscalculia is N.O.R.M.A.L. –unpleasant as hell, but normal. From all I’ve learned about the disorder, everyone diagnosed with it has exactly the same reaction –to some degree or another– as you are having. All you have to do now (Hah! the hoobit dares to say “all”? is hoobit joking? is hoobit wack-o? “all” I have to do? Hah!) is find other doors and/or windows that’ll let you do what you want to do – will allow you do even though that bloody front door won’t open for you. It won’t be a guaranteed cakewalk, but it won’t be impossible, either…leastwise not nearly as difficult and/or as impossible as ‘getting math’ is. Does that make sense? m. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein
Location: That would require me to know where I was Posts: 429 Joined: 2008-06-08
If you haven't already, maybe you should meet with learning disability advocacy groups in your area. You don't have to give up on teaching. How about teaching at a level where you can specialize in a subject which isn't quite as affected by the dyscalculia? What about becoming a university professor? Your main obstacle is getting through the math class, but with proper support, maybe you can? I understand the fear & loathing of it. I used to dream about numbers/shapes chasing me around when I took math during my school days. My guidance counselor in high school talked me into toughing it out all the way up to trigonometry (sp?) Her reasoning being that if I managed to do that, I might be able to find a college that wouldn't require the math. My undergrad college let the Liberal Arts majors take 2 math and/or science classes. I took 2 psychology classes because it was the least mathematical science I could find. I found it interesting & might have pursued it, but the thought of the statistics class it would require ended that line of thought. Also, I didn't take Advanced Placement Biology (college level work in high school) even though I really liked high school Biology. In order to do so, I would've had to take Physics & Chemistry was enough of a nightmare.
If you to find groups in your area , you can try a google search for name of your area and learning disabilities & see what comes up. You can PM me too, if you're having trouble with that and don't want to post specifics on your location.
Edited by Lostinspatial on June 12 2008 09:44 PM
Location: Texas USA Posts: 6135 Joined: 2008-05-25
Dear Pinky Moo,
No, actually what you've found isn't a group of people who understand your "weird ramblings". What you've found is a group of people who don't think what you're saying is either "weird" or "rambling". It sounds healthy and normal to ME. Who wouldn't feel bad after what you've been through?
Are your fillings a silver metal color? If so they are probably "amalgam", containing mercury. If so, please get them taken out.
I laughed out loud at the following quote from your posting:
"They want me to have good organisational skills, be good at data handling and use databases and spreadsheets (if there is one thing I can't understand more than numbers it's numbers in boxes!)."
When I took Basic Computer Literacy last year, I had to ask for extended time to finish the course because of Excel. Excel is 'numbers in boxes', and as you say, it's even worse than numbers by themselves. Maybe if the system is already in place I could plug in the numbers, but setting up a new page with formulas kept me sitting in the computer lab, getting help from the techs for many days and many hours.
I find that two postings I did this morning are not on the web. If I find them saved on my computer, I'll send them later.
Thanks Hoobit. Your post really touched me and that in combination with a conversation with my dad earlier about jobs i'd like to do but think I can't because of the maths has made me feel a bit better about finding something I can do rather than looking at what I can't.
I absolutely love working with computers especially if i'm creating things. I have an A for my GCSE ICT and C for Computing at A Levels (exams you take in high school in U.K before you go on to Uni for those who don't know).
I love to create things and make things and mould and solve problems (but not in a mathematical way - Like I find things people have lost because I can picture where i've spotted them but i'm rubbish if it's my own stuff because I can't track back to where I last was!)
I can even create little programs (or could before I went to uni but i've since begun brushing up on it again as Microsoft has made the program I used at school free to download and use.... yays Microsoft!) I made my boyfriend a little program that only opened up and let him in on the day of our 2nd anniversary of meeting. When it opened it displayed a message from me and then he could click a button and it opened a video that played automatically.
I was always creating things like that to help me in the classroom. I'm currently trying to work out how my mum (who has a degree in computing which is largely unused due to having kids) went about making a program on the computer which taught me how to tell the time (the one and only way I learned).
My biggest passion would be do to work with computers and do something creative. One of my friends suggested being a web designer. The only problem is all these things seem to need qualifications I don't have and i'm sick of wasting my time training for things.
The only problems I ever had on my computing courses was when it boiled down to numbers, spreadsheets, assembly code which is basically 3 letter acronyms and numbers so it made no sense (the code I use to make my programs is more like having a conversation with the PC e.g. msgbox "hello" would make one of those annoying pop ups you get saying "are you sure you want to delete?" only it would say hello instead.
As I said to my boyfriend this evening after i'd had an utterly crappy day yesterday, and stayed up until 3.45 am this morning because I was so stressed out and wound up, my current mood and outlook of myself is really bad. I'm trying to write a CV a document which is supposed to be a document that helps sell yourself to other people and I can't think of anything to put down on the page that's positive. I've just come out of a course that's drained me of all my energy at a point where whatever i've touched has failed. I've never failed at anything. Even when I think about my dyscalculia I don't see it as a failure. It's made me stronger as i've found ways around it. I mean how else did I manage to get C in my GCSE! I'm incredibly driven. But I failed so spectacularly in the last 5 months of my course that it's just collapsed me and the things I thought I was good at I somehow feel now that I'm not and if I can't do them and my maths skills ain't that great how on earth will I survive kind of thinking.
The counsellor told me I had to stop thinking I was a failure as I wasn't but it's easier to say than do.
Lisa F. I know I don't have to give up the teaching if I don't want. At the moment i'm put off by my stressful experience. Strange thing was it wasn't the maths that put me off it was just the sheer amount of work involved in it. I could teach specialist subjects. I have half a degree in theology so I could teach Religious Education but I'd have to do that in a secondary school (ages 11-18) or higher education and i'm not keen on those age ranges as there are far too many hormones kicking around and I enjoy the age group I was teaching far more and the variety in subjects too.
justfoundout, I see your point I know i'm not weird, i'm me. I guess what irritates me the most is that when I tell people all of these things in everyday life they dismiss it and just think i'm somehow pulling their leg.
What frustrates me even more is that why if dyscalculia is recognised as a LD and has a medical code or whatever. Why when i'm diagnosed that's it I don't get any help. If you get diagnosed with cancer the doctor doesn't go " oh well you have cancer, unfortunately we haven't done enough research to find a cure yet so you'll just have to manage", nope they give you counselling, they give you pain relief and possibly even radiotherapy!
Oh and yays to someone else hating numbers in boxes! I think for me it has something to do with the fact that the numbers get too close to each other. They all start to merge into each other and I loose where I am. Like I do with bus and train timetables. Plus I like things with lots of pictures and different colours and spreadsheets tend to be boring. My other half is very kindly helping me to realise that spreadsheets can be colourful and have pictures and in fact not look at all like a number in a box.....you can even get rid of the box! He works with them day in day out as she works in IT and uses databases and all that horrible numerical stuff but not in a I completely love numbers way. He's not so hot at maths but he's not as far as I can see dyscalculate - he has a brilliant sense of direction for a start. He lead me around my uni city after visiting it for the 2nd time which peed me off slightly as he was went charging off and then said which way now? and I was all like well you're the one leading me around down weird streets i've never been down before you tell me! ( he has great long giraffe legs and I'm short and stumpy so i'm always running 3 paces behind him)
And breath lol!
Edited by pinkymoo on June 13 2008 02:01 AM
Hello! I feel your pain-we all do. My dad would always yell at me if I got an answer wrong on my math homework. And the kicker? If I didn't do perfect on my math homework, he would sit with me unti I got it. In 7th grade, my mom woke me up from a sound sleep and told me to get downstarirs and go see dad anout my math homework. He isn't happy that I got all the answeres wrong. I stayed up until two in the morning, and went to the school the next day dead tired-with blodd shot eyes because I was crying for the rest of the night.
Because of how my dad treated me-and my mom never once standing up for me-this lead to a lot of problems. I was cutting myself up until recently. I still haven't gotten over the menatl pain and the emotional pain that I've been through, don't know if I iever will.