Location: whats it matter? i wanna be elsewhere. Posts: 240 Joined: 2009-03-30
this is the first little bit of my book, the shadows. please try not to mind the spelling.... and if anyone reads this, could you give me advice on my riteing? i want to be an auther when i grow up (i also want to be an ornitholijist, however thats spelled... but so far the authr part is winning) but keep this in mind, i drop my carictures into the situation and watch what they do, then on paper (or computer) i describe what i see.
hear it is!
Wren sat on the front steps of her house…waiting. She was soaked to the bone but didn’t care a bit; she would finally see Jace and Shain. She had written to them for 5 years now, so had her little sister, vacie. shain was the same age as her, from his description of himself he said he had black hair, but that was it. Jace was a year older than vacie, she had no idea what he looked like though. Someday Shain would be King of Hawkor, but for now he was just a prince, the same with Jace, but Jace would never be king, he was younger then Shain. Wren’s parents were great friends with the rulers of Hawkor, thus there children wrote to each other. Slowly the rain turned to snow, but still Wren waited. Pulling her long hunting cloak close about her.
Finaly she gave up. They wer already a day late, so she decided to be late herself. Standing up she pulled her hood over her face to cover her from the cold. She opend the door to the warm musty smell of the stable, the horses imiediatly recognized her and nicerd softly. But one voice stood out, it was a more a lion trying to whiny like a horse. She sliped thro the door quikly trying not to let in the cold, walking down the long rows she studied each one and called them by name. finaly she got to the stall that held the source of the roar. Unlatching the door she walked inside slowly, searching for her mount. “neakio. Come out, I have some bakon from breakfast” she bribed the disepearing neakio. Her hand found her poket and she pulled out 3 strips of the bakon she promised. Imedieatly neakio apeard, he was not a normal horse, but rather a piony. A horse in appearance, but with a main of a powerful lion and the tail to. Neakio also had a powerful mouthful of sharp teath and a strong bite. He was one of the last of his kind, wren had found him abandond out in the forest. He could blend with his surroundings very well, giving him the ability to almost disepear.
After a time of putting all his geer on she mounted him slowly and urged him forward. Walking up and down the rows some times to make sure he was fit to ride she dismounted and led him slowly towards the door. Wren reached out for the handel of the door when it flew open, neakio spooked and reared, wren quickly got to his side and stroked his back whispering softly to him. But looking at the man who stood in the door. He was wearing a dark green velvet cloak and had black wavy hair down to his shoulders. Green eyes skand emotionlessly thro the stables and finaly on her, neakio was back on all fours now, but he was shaken and wasn’t safe yet, she continued to stroke and whisper to him softly. “you have a way with your piony” he whispered softly coming to stroke neakios forhead. “what is his name?” “neakio” wren answed not bothering to look at him. She continued to stroke neakio, but stoped whispering to him. “nice name” he sed plainly “who are you?” wren asked quietly “me?” he rubed neakios ears “im shain, you are the stable hand, rite?” “I could if I wanted to be” she answed lauphing inwardly, lowering her head to hide her face in her hood so he couldn’t see her smile. “so then, who are you” he asked he terned to her queschoningly looking up she let him see her slight smile “im wren” shains mouth droped and he stumbled over words “i…. I am truly sorry…. I just thot….” Wren pulled back her hood so he could see her clearly “well, would you like to go rideing? Its beautiful with all the snow” he nodded “stay with neakio, I will get you a horse” she sed handing the rains to him and walked away to find a good horse. She stoped at coince, a black horse with specs of silver, her main and tail had lines of black and silver running there lanth. Coince was more on the wild side, but she thot shain could handle her. “shain” wren called “huh?” he appeared in the doorway “this is coince, she is a bit tough on new people, but you should be able to handle her” he nodded and tied neakio to a pole to help with the tack. They got her done quickly, they mounted and wren showed shain how she tested the horses to see if they were ready.
“This is my favorite trail, but you choose” wren told him pointing at the two paths that lie ahead. “Your favorite, I guess” he murmured quietly, his hood covering his face, the wind was a steady gust that carried the snow into there faces, the trees and shrubs were white and shining. Wren nodded and kicked neakio softly and he started at a slow trot, wren thought to test shain, the longer they rode the more she wanted to, so, quickly she kicked neakio hard. Neakio jumped forward and raced ahead, full gallop. Shain sat startled, had she meant to do that? He commanded coince to run, she did as he asked, it was a race for a time, neakio being the fastest horse in the stables outran coince quickly. Wren looked over her shoulder at shain and coince, “im going to win!” she announced, at that shains face brightened, this was a test. He leaned forward and urged coince to run faster, wren saw them sliding slowly toward there first place spot, she whispered softly to neakio, telling him he must go faster. He ran hard and strong all till they almost collided with the barn, wren won, of course. “toldya I would win” wren mocked the tired shain. “tell me something I haven’t heard before” he muttered “ok, I nac kalt ot snaimalas” she walked neakio to the barn door “what does that mean?” he puzzled opening the door for wren “its lyvish” she answered “who tot you lyvish?” he asked confused, but wren didn’t answer him this time. She was staring fixedly at his shadow. “what?” he asked looking down at his shadow and seeing nothing wrong with it. “your shadow….” She whispered black eyes unblinking. “yes…. What about my shadow?” he asked looking at her “it did it again!” she screeched pointing down. Shain turned, he thot she had gone crazy at this point “your shadow moved” she said quietly pulling her hand down and started towards shain “of course my shadow moved! I move!” he sed turning again to face her “no, it walked away from you… it separated itself from you…” she sed eyes wide. His eyes met hers and narrowed, “I don’t belive you. I am going to un-tack coince” he walked of with coince to her stall, wren stood there a moment, neakio nuzzled her cheek softly letting out a little grown. Wren sighed and stroked neakio staring longingly at shain.
Location: United States Posts: 195 Joined: 2008-01-08
It's great that you have such a good imagination and have decided to write a book. I'm sure that you don't want to hear a lot about your spelling and grammar but they are important.
First I want to give you a few good websites to go to.
http://orangoo.co...
The website above has a free online spellchecker that works pretty well. It doesn't correct grammar but it's safe, free and easy to use. Just copy anything that you want to spell check and paste it into their form. Click "spell check your text" and it will turn misspelled words red. Click on a misspelled word to bring up a list of possible spellings and choose the right word.
If you use Mozilla FireFox, you might already have a built-in spellchecker. If you have it, misspelled words will be underlined in red when you type into a text box. You can right click on the word to pick the correct spelling.
The best option is to use Microsoft Word which has a nice spelling and grammar checker that will catch most common mistakes. If you don't have Word, Works is usually included on most computers and has a spell checker too.
Secondly, I want to remind you of a fairly easy grammar rule. Make sure to capitalize the first letter of the first word of each sentence. Also capitalize the pronoun "I" and proper nouns (names and places).
I'm not fond of grammar so I won't say anything else about it. Another quick word about spelling. I used to be HORRIBLE at spelling but with a lot of practice I became a little better. When it comes to spelling, I have a lot of trouble spelling things verbally. A lot of the time, I have to try to write out the word and look at the word as a whole to see if it is spelled correctly or not. Sometimes I'll know that it's spelled wrong but don't quite know how to fix it.
Back to the subject of writing. Some of the best advice I ever got concerning writing was to "write the way that I speak." This is a VERY good rule of thumb to follow when writing dialogue.
Another thing that you should do is to break up your story into paragraphs. Give readers a bit of space on the page so that they can "follow along" easier. Paragraph length varies and most writers develop their own rules. When I'm writing fiction, I try to keep paragraphs no shorter than 4 sentences and no longer than 6 or 7.
If you still aren't sure about paragraphs, try to keep one or two ideas in each paragraph, nothing more than that. You can also restrict a single character to a paragraph.
Here are a few other things that you should consider when writing.
Point of View:
First Person (I, Me)
Second Person (You) *Not recommended, difficult to write.
Third Person (He, She, They...)
Verb Tense
Decide if you are going to write your story in past or present tense. Most of the time, it is easier to write in past tense.
Present Tense:
Teresa slides into the seat next to me. As she turns to look at me, I can't help but wonder what she wants. She plucks a straw wrapper up from the table and folds it over and over again. I turn to her reluctantly and say, "What's up?"
Past Tense:
Teresa slid into the seat next to me. I couldn't help but wonder what she wanted. She plucked a straw wrapper up from the table and folded it over and over again. After a moment, I turned towards her reluctantly and asked, "What's up?"
- - - -
I hope that this helps somewhat. If you'd like more input, let me know. I'm always willing to help.
Location: whats it matter? i wanna be elsewhere. Posts: 240 Joined: 2009-03-30
hello, Saruna!
Thanks for the advice, I am using microsoft word, so I guess I will start using spell check. Thanks for the links to! having dyslexia really messes me up when I rite, i'm slowly getting better.
Teeco
Location: UK, South Yorkshire Posts: 127 Joined: 2009-05-02
Ah, another writer and the site good to know. I actually started writing with fan fiction the geeks of the writing world then I became better and better then began original stories... One's actually in the process notes names all that it's easy to jump the gun but pulling the trigger is proving to be hard.
The spell checker always use to mean doom for me. Mine doesn't have a British option so I had to actually learn when my checker was lying to me, tough stuff when your a kid.
Location: whats it matter? i wanna be elsewhere. Posts: 240 Joined: 2009-03-30
hi all!
Featherquill,
I dont like the spell check... mostly because I used to spell so badly when I was little that it didnt even recognise the words...
oh, so we have met, Kestrel.... I just didnt know it
I will see about the blog, sounds like a nice idea. this book wants to kill me.... I started and it was sweet... then I kept going and it turned really sad.... but now its a horror book! im terified of shadows now...
~Teeco
hi, teeco, I really wanted to take some time to read this and this morning I finally have been able to....I was visualizing the story as you played it out, it was very fascinating and would like to know what happened to the characters - even if they grew "dark". Seems like many good stories have characters in them that change and go where they will and the author kinda follows along. I think you are wonderfully creative and would love to read a blog.
What if one of the shadows was a character too?
Location: whats it matter? i wanna be elsewhere. Posts: 240 Joined: 2009-03-30
hi rottie!
thanks! i will probably post another little bit later. one of the shadows is actuly a charecter, she is an assasine and i was forced to rite a love seen where the shadow killed a girl (not tellin who, you gatta wait!) and her "boyfriend" found her dead and was throne into a spiral of depretion, but a bit later he comes back to move her body from her bed and she "wakes up" wich is actuly thae shadow overtakeing the little girls body, so then the girl/shadow starts flirting with the boy, cuz since there boyfriend and girlfriend there has to be romance, and then finaly the girl kills the guy and the guy dies thinking that his girlfriend killed him.its so sad! so ya...
~donno why i told you alla that, teeco
wow so people the second part to this is http://dyscalculi...post_22059
as if you didn't knowOur greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do. - Confucius Xorthon
