Sorry I have not been on here in absoultley months. I have had a tough year and am trying to get back on track.
I was doagnoised with having depression and have been off worl, back to work and now off again. I just can't handle the stress's and demands of my job.
I have had to be risk assessed for my work and have been given a set structure which my boss thinks will make me want to get up in the mornings.
My Ocd has came back with a vengance and I am struggling to cope with my rituals of hand washing.
Having a rough time as I have been suffering from depression for at least 10 years but my doc never said anything. This time I went to a locum GP and she diagnoised me. I tried to commit suicide 4 years ago and ever since then I have muddled along. Put my "mask" on- that's what my doc says and pretend everythign is fine when it's not. I just smile and my answer is always "I am fine" when quite clearly I am not.
I have been struggling more so over last wk and this wk suicidal thoughts and thoughts of my funeral. I am trying to get my life back on track. My friends are all saints for looking after me and listening to me. As none of them knew about anything until I told them 2 months ago. All I have done is cry. I can't actually cry anymore as the tears just wont come.
I suffered an eating disorder at school and this is where I developed ocd. Then my beloved Granda died 2 months after my Gran died(non-related) and I went down hill. I started drinking heavily and I think looking back I was quite dependant on it. Then I tried to commit suicide while under the influence of alcohol. Then I started having a sever lack of sleep. I have always been an insomniac since I was a teenager.(I see someone has started a thread on insomnia) While I was going through all the above I started hanging around with a girl who was bad news and then my parents and I had fight after fight after fight. I do not tend to see eye to eye with my folks even now. Then I sort of sat and thought f@@@ I am a state. Then I got my current job and thought things would be fine. Quite clearly not though. I had a boyfriend and then we broke up and I slept with another guy which is totally out of character for me btw. This is kinda where I was losing it but unknown to myself and my friends I was on a role of distruction.
I spoke to my close friend and she said roughly around August/September last year she noticed a significant change in me. This is when the above with my boyfriend happened.
I lose interest in things very easy ie the forum for one. Its not that its boring its me and my over active mind. I have nto been doing my voluntary work either and its partly cause I work shift work but also cause I just can't be assed.
I have been isolating myself from my family and friends and have been spending time in my bed. Sometimes I just need the quietness to kinda relief my mind. Other times I am very low. I am not washing/eating/going out/getting out of bed/getting out of my pj's etc etc etc. List can go on and on and on.
I had to take time off work End Nov 09- New Year's Eve. I went back to work New Year's Night. Now I am off for 3 weeks.
I have been prescribed prozac which was so bad for side effects I just could not function. Now I am on Mirtazipine which I have been on for 2 months now. Its a sedative as well as an anti-depressant. Due to my lack of sleep my doc prescribed it.
I was meant to see a counsellor through my work as through the NHS its a 2-3 month waiting list. I got 1 session and have not seen my counsellor for over a month as she is off sick. My boss is chasing this up as I am needing someone to talk to.
I have my friends/family/journals and I have contacted the samaritians as I was scraed incase I did something stupid. My friends are all worried about me. I am as I write this in my folks house as I don't trust myself. Yesterday was a BAD day. So I am at my folks house to play safe
Anyway's I am so sorry I am writing this, I guess I thought I better say why I have not been on here for so long. I know you didn't need to know all of this but am in a kinda "weird" mood.
Hope your all well!!
Ps HAPPY NEW YEAR BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Laura - I caught this on the Insomnia thread, and I wrote the following reply to you on the Depression thread. I thought I'd re-post here to make sure you got to see it:
"Laura, I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling with this. I understand completely how you're feeling... that ultimate low, like you can't get any worse than you are. Not wanting to even take a shower, not having the energy to eat or clean house or do anything even remotely social. Not caring about anything. Just wanting to die. I totally get that.
I was diagnosed with unipolar depression at age 14, but it wasn't until the past year that I was re-assessed by a better psychiatrist and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now I am on a mood stabilizer and hoping that it does the trick, as I went through several antidepressants (Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, Cymbalta, and Remeron AKA Mirtazipine, what you're on now) and they either had no effect or made me manic. It was the manic reaction to Effexor and Cymbalta (inability to sleep, motor agitation, faster than usual racing thoughts, pressed speech, hallucinations, etc.) that clued my psychiatrist into the fact that I was having bipolar episodes. Now she has me on Lamictal and is slowly increasing my dose, and so far so good.
I know you aren't asking for advice and I don't want to inundate you with unsolicited advice, but I do really want to tell you something that my therapist taught me and that has really helped improve my mental health status when the depression DOES hit.
The key is to keep doing what you would normally do, no matter how exhausting it is, no matter how much you don't want to do it, no matter how much you don't give a s*&# about anything or anyone. You have to make yourself shower, make yourself eat, force yourself into public even if it's just for an hour. Even if you just take a shower and walk down to the grocery store to buy a loaf of bread, that's something, and you have to do something every day. I know it sounds impossible when you're in the darkest depths of depression but it actually does help. It pushes away the worst of the depression by keeping you rooted in the reality of your life, not the dark twisty thoughts you're having about your life.
For example, the dark twisty thoughts would be, "I'm a disgusting slob, I'm a piece of crap, I'm never going to get better, I don't deserve to live, I can't keep living this life." The reality is that you aren't disgusting, you aren't crap, you are going to get better, you deserve to live, and you CAN keep living. By getting up every day and showering and going somewhere, even just briefly, you remind yourself that you can and are continuing to live and that does help maintain your sanity, so to speak. You prove to yourself that depression doesn't run your life and it can't control you anymore, you are taking your life back. It empowers you and it helps you float when you feel like you're sinking deeper into the depressive episode. I can say that from experience.
Anyway, I'm done giving my "keep fighting" speech. You know that without having me tell it to you. I just wanted you to know that I understand where you're coming from, from experience, and to share something that I learned in therapy that has helped me cope more effectively. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me."
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
Location: Texas USA Posts: 6101 Joined: 2008-05-25
1/16/10
Dear Laura,
I'm glad that you've come here to chat with us. I'm sorry that you've been feeling so awful. When you'd talk about your job taking care of people, I'd always think that what you were doing sounded really difficult, and that it was something I didn't think that I'd be able to do nearly so well as you.
Just as Kat invites you to PM her, you can PM me, too. I can see that Kat has learned 'more than she ever wanted to know' about the subject at hand, but at least now she has that experience to draw on, and it gives her an understanding that 'book learning' just can't give a person. You'll have all that same wisdom to share with other people, too, from what you've suffered. I just want you to find the very best help imaginable, because I think that you've 'learned' quite enough for now. ;-)
If there are little things that you can do to 'help' other people,... making a small item for someone, or cooking something, or even helping someone else do something that they need assistance with,... I think that that's when you are happiest. I hope that someone appreciative will invite you to 'help out', and that you'll accept the invitation. This would only get you from moment to moment,... but sometimes that's the best we can do. You'll be in my prayers. - jus'
Location: Foggy San Francisco Posts: 255 Joined: 2009-08-18
Laura,
I've also been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and I still don't have anything to say except hang in there. Like Kat said, by forcing yourself to live your life, you're proving to yourself that you can live your life. It takes monumental strength to go about your daily life when you're depressed. Anyone who hasn't been there has no idea, but those of us who have can see that you're an incredibly strong person because you're still here, living your life, and reaching out for help.
Cheshire kat and Addy- you have both been there/still going there. Its s@@@ when I don't even have the energy to go to the toilet or text people. I know before I was "properly" diagnoised I was a complete mess. I would just lie in my bed, door closed, curtains shut. I like the darkness as I kinda say good peace. I want to be safe and in my bed I am safe if you know what I mean.
Just- thanks means a lot, thats why I haven't been on here. My job aided me to this and they realise it now and have apologised- pa an apology big deal!!
I am at my folks house at the mo to be safe. My doc thought this might be better for me. Thank god as my flat mate was out Friday night til tonight in another city only like 20 min drive. I am just sick of being me. I am talking about it more and more as I am not doin so and my friends are sometimes none the wiser as I just don't want to burden them with my problemas as they all their own problems without my dramas on top of theirs. My flate mate is now my boss- she was promoted and I feel sorry for her as it must be hard with me in the flat. She is not the best at giving advice she had her work head on as it would suit work better if I stayed at work. But as it has already been stated and witnessed I ended up needing my coleagues to look after my Service User as I just could not cope any more. So I am kinda being pulled in 2 different directions. My Mum is also saying I should just go to work.... does she not understand the nature of my job???? She really annoyed me when she said that
Anways thanks guys may take you up on PM'ing you(you will be wishing you hadn't offered heehee!!!)
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: Co. Durham, England Posts: 107 Joined: 2009-09-07
first of all, have a huge virtual hug.
Right, as you can already see, you're not alone, not by a long stretch, and I'll add my voice to the fellow sufferers list. I had depression and actually ended up having a complete breakdown a few years ago, and yes, had suicidal thoughts too, I've been through it all believe me! I also have a couple of very very close friends who have exactly the same thing, 3 of whom have confided in me that they also attempted suicide. One of them, through their job, had access to drugs which are designed to end life, and self administered them, but fortunately was found in time. Another took an enormous amount of pills (80 painkillers plus a mixture of other prescription medication) and fortunatley was also found in time. All admit now that it was NOT the solution - don't go there!
Depression can strip you of the ability to feel emotion, you are unable to feel happiness, or strangely enough, sadness as such either - just an enormous black hole of nothingness, no emotion, no feeling and a sense of utter utter emptiness, which I know is TERRIFYING.
I attended cognitive therapy as ONE of the ways I helped to overcome it, and KNOWING what is wrong with you is the first step to battling it. When you start to feel depressive feelings you have to recognise them as such - mentally step back for a moment and THINK - consider the thoughts you are having, and recognise that they are "alien" thoughts - ie not natural to you, in other words it is not really *you* thinking these thoughts, it's some other part of your psyche, the thoughts are NOT real, they are NOT the real you - always remember that YOU are the real you, and YOUR decision is the important one, YOU are the one that counts, not these ridiculous thoughts telling you that you are useless, a failure, unattractive, stupid etc - YOU ARE NOT!
You are intelligent, amazing, caring, and ultimately you have made a difference to other people in your life - you make someone's day brighter, you, at some time, have helped someone out of their own hole and made their life better because of it, your mere existence has made you invaluable to someone else - and if you end it, then everyone else is going to miss out on how you COULD have helped them in the future.
Yes life is bad, it sucks quite frankly, but I have learned that ultimately, good stuff does happen, but you have to go through some bad stuff in order for your path of life to take you there. Think of something good in your life, now think back to the chain of events that led you to that good thing - somewhere will be an event which at the time you thought was "bad", but without it, the good thing wouldn't have happened.
Here's some of my examples - I worked for an evil boss, truly, truly evil - she hated me and made my life hell, she did not comprehend depression (she was a "pull yourself together" kinda person ), who incidentally got me to buy her fiancee's car. I ended up joining the car club, and made lots of very good friends. I started dating a guy, and his mum found an advert for a job for me - I got the job - my dream job, with the best employer I could ever hope for, it was amazing and wonderful and I loved it - I even got my own flat to live in, a fair wage and excellent experience for my CV.
Unfortunately my new boss's husband died, and she had to sell up and retire, moving away, so I lost my house and my job in one go, so I set up my own business, which was great.
I then found out that my boyfriend had been cheating one me (a lot) so I kicked him out, shortly afterwards I was involved in a car accident which left me with spinal injuries and put me out of business, leaving me unable to work. One of my friends from the car club I joined then introduced me to a friend of his who is the most amazing, caring, loving man I have ever met, we love all the same things, and dislike most of the same things too, and ever since I met him I have NEVER been happier. At his house one day I read a newspaper advert which offered government funding to retrain as an NVQ assessor, which with his encouragement I applied and was accepted for. I passed the course and am now looking to start my new career.
BUT without all the bad stuff, the good wouldn't have happened. If it wasn't for evil boss, I wouldn't have bought the car, wouldn't have joined the car club, and wouldn't have met my perfect man who loves me unconditionally. Without the cheating ex, I wouldn't have found my dream job and had such a wonderful time, or started my business, and probably wouldn't have met my dream man, or found the advert to retain as an assessor, or done many of the wonderful things we have done together, or gone to great places we have gone together.
For me, after the cognitive therapy, the next best step for me was ditching a job I hated (in a call centre) and moving to America for a year, going back to doing a job I love, working outdoors with horses, it was really refreshing and a change of scenery helped me enormously, I came back to the UK a different person. I then worked actively on becoming more confident and socialising more, I only have one life and I decided that I didn't want to waste it, I wanted to LIVE it, so I did, I've had a great time, and I always try to remember that yes, bad stuff happens, but ride it through and you'll get to the good stuff, which makes it all worth while.
Don't loose hope, you're not alone. You can do it, just remember that the rogue thoughts aren't you - and ignore them.
Kirsty
Edited by scrapheapchallenge on January 17 2010 02:30 PM
I have determined that my sole purpose in life is to serve as a bad example
Location: Co. Durham, England Posts: 107 Joined: 2009-09-07
and just to clarify, I do still have it, it won't magically go away, it's just that I recognise it for what it is now, and I won't let the monster beat me - it tries to sneak up on me and sometimes I still get down, but I'm a better fighter now, and with the loving support of my boyfriend I can shift the depressive episodes quicker than I used to. When I'm not well I can now tell my family why, and point out that I'm not myself and not to worry, that I will be feeling better soon, that my moroseness won't last. It's difficult, but possible.
I have determined that my sole purpose in life is to serve as a bad example
I am trying to tell myself that, but its pretty hard. I had a good day yesterday. Today I am teary and annoyed. My Sis and Dad are bugging the life out of me. Think I will be heading home later, I came here for some "safeness" (if that is even a word??) and I just want to go back to my flat and relaxe.
I am hoping time off will help me, but I am unsure if it will or not since I have to go back to work. But I do have my project and stuff. My mate who is the service user who I will mainly work with key-worker is gonna help me set goals etc. I just don't want to be a burden and a nuisance at that
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: Co. Durham, England Posts: 107 Joined: 2009-09-07
well please don't think that here ok? We're not judging you, and I'm sure the others, like myself, having been through this, want to help you too, PLEASE share your worries with us, by PM if you prefer as I am here to listen, you are not bothering me in the slightest, you're not taking up my time, at the moment I'm at home, bored, and I don't yet have a new job so you won't be distracting me from anything more important.
I feel the same way - that I didn't want to burden friends and family with my issues, but you really do need someone to talk to, who understands. My close friends know that no matter what I am there to listen to them when they have bad episodes too, and that they can call me any time of the day or night to talk - my best friend I have talked out of suicide on more than one occasion, and always help him get through his bad spells, likewise he has helped talk me through mine.
You already know we care and know what you're going through, so share away.
Kirsty
I have determined that my sole purpose in life is to serve as a bad example
Its more like relief to say whats happening, as I have hide it for 10 years. I was really annoyed that I am just getting the help now. When I spoke to my GP mid October, I had never met her as she is a locum. I went into the consultation room with my "mask" on and smiled at her and when she asked how I was I said "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" Then I showed her what I had written down as I couldn't tell her myself. She read everything I had written and was so nice to me. She asked if I felt suicidal and I said "No" Then she said but you have tried to commit suicide before. I am being stupid here but I had never thought of me sitting at the waterfront as a suicide bid. My friend said I was in denial about it cause I didn't want to admit that there was a problem. My GP gave me 2 weeks where I had to start going to bed at 1am. Then I went back and she gave me Prozac. Luckily I was on a 2 week holiday then as I felt so bad. The side effects were horrific. Sore head starting from my forehead going all the way to the back of my skull and round the sides of my head. Then I had dizzieness and sickness and felt like a truck had ran over me. Then I was raken off them so a withdrawal of a week. Then I got Mirtazipine and although I am knackered with these thats all the side-effects I have thank god. I had to go back every 2-3 weeks. She asked how I was and what I have been doing and if I thought of anything etc. I have to say I have not really got any thoughts in my head, all thats up there is water. Thats frustartating
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
My friends have all had to adapt to me too which is weird as we are all struggling to deal wit my moods and me in general. I have found out the hard way that some of my so called friends are not my friends after all. They have turned against me since I toold them about my depression. They have also been doing on-line bullying and email bullying too( not that I have more important things to worry about eh?!) . They are just bitches and I have found out the hard way. Now I am starting to realise who my friends are and who aren't. Same with work colleagues. As my Dad put it I am too naive and I should not just trust people.
My boss has been extremely unserstanding. She is my Area Manager as we are getting our new manager tomorrow!! Its all been a struggle for me at work regarding the bitching and online bullying that I have had to encounter from the weirdo's in my work. My manager is saying to take time out. She was in on my last day (Wed) and I was MASSIVELY struggling. My mate informed her that I am not coping as did I. I originally had my "weekly" meeting with her. And this is where I just told her.
I went to the works Christmas Night out as my mates thought it would cheer me up. Well I ended up getting absolutely drunk and by the time we went to a club I was out of it. I went to the toilet and felt fine afterwards. Then we were standing at the bar and I just felt "weird" and said I was going out for fresh air. I ended up standing in the club crying my eyes out. OMG WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT. One of my colleagues who has since been bullying me went and got my 2 friends Steph and Catrina. They came to me and I was a blubbering wreck. Catrina was hugging me(BTW I HATE PHYSICAL CONTACT). Then I was fine. I was so embarrassed. Steph says to me all the time the club has seen worse which is so so true. I feel helpless and hopeless at times without the added pressure of the weirdo's from work
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Laura - Oh yeah, the club has seen MUCH worse than a drunk girl crying outside. They were probably relieved that you were only crying. That sucks that your so-called "friends" are acting so immature... don't they have better things to do than act like 11 year olds?? Yeesh, some people.
I understand that feeling of not being able to grasp a thought while you're on Remeron (Mirtazipine). When I was on it I slept about 20 hours a day and when I was awake I could barely string together a coherent thought. My mom calls it "the lost week" because I just remember absolutely nothing about that whole week-long period before I finally had to quit the drug. It was just too sedating, I couldn't do anything - couldn't go to class, couldn't work, couldn't drive, couldn't even sit up and open my eyes all the way. They say for most people the sedating effect wears off after a few weeks and you stop feeling so tired and "foggy" mentally, but I didn't have weeks to wait and see. It also made me hallucinate and gave me extremely intense, vivid dreams... so that was not such a good thing. I prefer not having hallucinations, thank you!
I'm really glad you were able to be honest with your doctor though and at least tell her in writing what you've been going through. It sounds like she's a good doctor and wants to help you. Has she also suggested that you start seeing a therapist? I don't know how that works in the U.K. but NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health, here in the U.S.) studies have shown that medication AND therapy together is the most effective treatment for depression. I know you said everything takes a while on the NHS but that might be something to look into to help your treatment.
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
The waitin list for a counsellor is 2-3 months. I called up a free service as I can not afford to pay and this is one my GP gave me and I thought god I just can't wait. So I am seeing a counsellor through my work and its free my work pays for it. Well I am meant to but she is off sick so I havent have a counsellor since start of Dec 09. My close friends have been dead nice and sympathetic and when I am in my paranoid phase tell me I am being silly. Steph my closest friend has had me on the phone/texts/emailing etc and she has been helping me deal with things. She was the one who said to go see GP. My other friend Catrina said I was depressed when we met back in March but I denied it. I asked my friend Steph when she 1st noticed something was wrong and she said before Catrina's wedding which was in late August. I got myself a boyfriend- Malcolm but he was like one of my service users and I just couldn't cope with the insecurieties he had and my work load and me. Then when I went to Catrina's wedding down in England I had sex with another guy after I broke up with Malcolm. This is completely out od character for me. I had never had a boyfriend or sex before then. No-one fancies me as why would they. I am not the "bonniest" lassie there is out there. Anyways Steph says this was where I sort of spiraled out of control.
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Laura - You say that it was out of character for you to hook up with that guy at your friend's wedding... when you did that, did you feel like you just had no control over your actions? Was it just a spur of the moment, no thought about consequences, spontaneous sort of thing?
I'm asking because you mentioned earlier in the same post about being paranoid, and how "when you are in your paranoid phase" your friends tell you that you're being silly. How long do those paranoid phases last for? You also mentioned on the Insomnia thread that you sometimes get "overly hyper" to the extreme and you can't sleep more than 1-3 hours a night.
Do all of these things sometimes happen in the same period of time? Like you get hyper and aren't sleeping, you get really paranoid, and then maybe you do something really spontaneous and out of character for you, like hooking up with a random guy? I'm asking because all of those things are symptoms of the manic/hypomanic phase of bipolar disorder. I'm not saying you're bipolar or anything, just that those things, if all taken together at the same time, would indicate the possibility.
For example, when I'm in a hypomanic phase (I have bipolar II disorder, not classic bipolar I, so I don't have full-blown manias) I get very hyper and excitable, I don't sleep and I don't feel tired, my thoughts are racing, I feel extremely creative and productive. I will do random things like go out and spend $75 I don't have buying painting supplies to paint half of my house, or spend 6 hours making a sharpie mural on my closet doors, etc. I feel like I'm high on life, like the world is my oyster and nothing can touch me. And then I crash.
For some people the hypomanias/manias are more paranoid and agitated than happy and productive, which is why I bring it up since you have mentioned not being able to sleep, feeling paranoid, and making rash out-of-character decisions. I don't know if all of those things happen to you during roughly the same time frame, but if they do then you might seriously want to consider the possibility by doing some reading on bipolar disorder.
PS: I just read your most recent post on the Insomnia thread. The feeling of "having a rocket up your ass" as you put it (very amusing turn of phrase) and having pressed, rapid speech where people have a hard time understanding you are two classic bipolar symptoms as well.
Edited by CheshireKat on January 17 2010 04:51 PM
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
Hey I am unsure if I am being honest regarding everything happenign together. When I was at the wedding I was fine, I was celebrating Catrina getting married. I am generally a shy person and when I find my feet I am a lot more confident. I live on the adrelin of happiness and also alcohol .
The time I felt paranoid I had, had a bad sleep and was okish. Cant remember anything else though-sorry.
Some of my school friends thought I had ADHD as I was always on the go, never sitting down, talkative extremely at time, rapid speech etc.
Now a days I am mellow and prefer not to do things and am the complete opposite
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: Co. Durham, England Posts: 107 Joined: 2009-09-07
Laura wrote:
I went to the works Christmas Night out as my mates thought it would cheer me up.... Then we were standing at the bar and I just felt "weird" and said I was going out for fresh air. I ended up standing in the club crying my eyes out. OMG WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT.... They came to me and I was a blubbering wreck.... (they were) hugging me(BTW I HATE PHYSICAL CONTACT). I was so embarrassed.
EXACTLY the same thing happened to me! It's like you are quoting my life there! My then "friend" (no longer) insisted I join her on a night out, I had told her I didn't feel like it but she insisted so I went along, and that happened.
The next day I went round her house and apologised for my behaviour, and bravely told her that I had depression. Unfortunately this is when I found out that she was one of the "pull yourself together" brigade who doesn't understand such things I wish I'd never told her now.
I have determined that my sole purpose in life is to serve as a bad example
That happened to me. A girl from work saw me when I was crying and she went and got my friends. However she went around telling everyone I told her what I thought of her. Btw even when I am so drunk I am falling all over the place I don't let my guard down. So I felt so guilty I texted her and now she has online bullied me, isolating me at work and generally being a complete bitch.
I understand totally!!!
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT
Location: Co. Durham, England Posts: 107 Joined: 2009-09-07
oh and what cheshireKat says is also true - I also have biploar episodes (the depression is just the "downswing" - and usually lasts longer than the "upswing" - it feels like a rollercoaster ride - but not in a good way!) An unfortunate symptom which often comes with bipolar disorder is nymphomania, don't laugh, it's serious and not really funny, and can make you do stupid or out of character things, make you go a little crazy. Just remember to stay safe and always keep yourself in check, make sure you don't hurt anybody's feelings. I have done so in the past and I feel really bad that I have hurt people because of it, really sweet guys who didn't deserve it. Although I also have polycystic ovaries syndrome (PCOS) which ALSO has the side effect of nymphomania due to a higher level of testosterone in the body (women all have, some, it just produces more than you should have)
If you do get "upswings" then rule 1 is DO NOT OWN A CREDIT CARD (well, that's also good advice if you have dyscalculia like us! ), and if you see something you want to buy - write it down, and sleep on it - think about it again the next day, ask yourself if you REALLY need to buy it, and be honest! If the answer is yes, then by all means go back and get it, but NEVER without thinking it through rationally first. You may find that you don't truly need most things you want in an upswing, you can end up in bad financial trouble, and that is a whole lot worse when you have number blindness!
I found the best way to keep stable is to have a regular routine - I thrive on routine, my moods stay stable, and I don't forget things, however if my routine is upset then I'm thrown out of whack, and I know now that a change in routine will almost always send my emotions haywire, so I'm ready for it and remember to be extra vigilant. When I had my accident and couldn't work it drove me completely and utterly nuts for a couple of months, I was climbing the walls!
By the way the first thing my doctor did when I said I suspected I had depression was say "ok I'll get some pills for you" and reached for the prescription pad, I stopped him and said "no. I don't want them yet, I want to try cognitive therapy first" He looked surprised as I suspect most people only want the "happy pills" but having heard about their side effects I really didn't want to try them as a first option. Fortunately for me the therapy at my local mental health clinic gave me what I needed to deal with it, so I never had to resort to medication. I'm not saying that this will be true for everyone, only that it worked for me.
Kirsty
I have determined that my sole purpose in life is to serve as a bad example
Location: Co. Durham, England Posts: 107 Joined: 2009-09-07
that would be for your doctor to decide, but if you have immense lows, followed by eurphoric highs when you do irrational things, abnormal sleep patterns (I used to stay awake for 3 days at a time sometimes), rush out and buy things you don't need, make silly decisions, talk ten to the dozen, do daft things like decide to repaint the entire ground floor of your house at 3 in the morning etc they can be indicators. You are not just feeling "fine" but extra great and manic (it used to be called "Manic depression" Talk to your doctor if you are worried about it, as it can affect the choice of medication.
Kirsty
I have determined that my sole purpose in life is to serve as a bad example
), who incidentally got me to buy her fiancee's car. I ended up joining the car club, and made lots of very good friends. I started dating a guy, and his mum found an advert for a job for me - I got the job - my dream job, with the best employer I could ever hope for, it was amazing and wonderful and I loved it - I even got my own flat to live in, a fair wage and excellent experience for my CV.
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EXACTLY the same thing happened to me! It's like you are quoting my life there! My then "friend" (no longer) insisted I join her on a night out, I had told her I didn't feel like it but she insisted so I went along, and that happened. 
), and if you see something you want to buy - write it down, and sleep on it - think about it again the next day, ask yourself if you REALLY need to buy it, and be honest! If the answer is yes, then by all means go back and get it, but NEVER without thinking it through rationally first. You may find that you don't truly need most things you want in an upswing, you can end up in bad financial trouble, and that is a whole lot worse when you have number blindness!