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What am I feeling?
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| Laura |
Posted on September 13 2010 07:01 PM
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Member
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1229
Joined: 2006-11-16
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Hey Kat,
Thanks... I may just take you up on PM'in you.
I know... I think I knew deep down it was Bipolar, I just didin't want to admit it. You told me, people outside told me and I told myself.... Yet I didn't want to believe it.
I know... Its finally has a name and finally there is a reason why I feel the way I have been feeling and will continue to feel. I knwo its gonna be a really hard and slow process on my new journey but I will be fine... well I hope I will be.
I don't think it has sunk in yet. I really need and want to cry... but really can't. I have been looking at the mood diary all afternoon, just looking at it. Its tiny only like 20 pages if that. Been re-reading it over and over and over again.
Thank you for being so nice to me Kat and for telling me like a million times whats going on with me. Dr. Kat 
xxx
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT |
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| Pixie |
Posted on September 13 2010 09:07 PM
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Member
Location: No value
Posts: 151
Joined: 2010-04-05
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Hi I know how hard it is to stop self harm because well I've been there but I say BEEN!
What I found helps is get a hair bobble and when you want to cut snap it on your wrist, you will feel pain but it won't leave a scar. |
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| Kestrel6 |
Posted on September 14 2010 02:19 PM
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Member
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 448
Joined: 2009-08-26
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Laura wrote:
Well.................
They think I have Bipolar. I have to go abck in 6 weeks time and in the mean time I have to fill in a mood diary.
Is it ok to feel sad that its Bipolar? Its a diagnosis which I want and need, but its a label that I was deeply wishing wasn't gonna be me.
Of course it's okay to feel sad. But there's good news too. Many primitive societies and some pagan beliefs state that naming something gives you power over it. Now that you have a name of your problem, it is no longer unknown, no longer secret; it no longer has power over you. You know what it is, now YOU have the power over it; you can resist it, treat it, push it away, get rid of it!
You know its name. Now you are in control.
Blessed are the PURR in heart! |
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| RottieWoman |
Posted on September 14 2010 02:49 PM
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Member
Location: No value
Posts: 3044
Joined: 2008-12-31
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'kat, I really liked what your wrote to Laura about you not "being" the Bipolar - that it's something you happen to have, not who or what you ARE. I just wrote similar about the LD in the "articles" section.
Laura - to me, you are "Laura" - first and foremost. You have many parts to you and enjoy and do/feel many things. Part of that right now is feeling sad about this diagnosis. But you are a person named Laura first, and YOU are who you make yourself to be, not what someone or some label says about you. |
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| Laura |
Posted on September 14 2010 02:49 PM
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Member
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1229
Joined: 2006-11-16
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Thanks Kestrel...
I have just been to see a woman who runs a group for people with bipolar. My colleague worked there and has given me info and kinda referred me if you like to say. So they do lots of things like massages, relaxation techniques, group sessions etc...
I am going back in October to start the 3 free sessions I get from them.
It was really hard going in there.... The woman was really nice though
So maybe I can start my new chapter in my life NOW!!
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT |
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| Laura |
Posted on September 14 2010 02:52 PM
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Member
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1229
Joined: 2006-11-16
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Hey Rottie,
Thank you!!!
I am gonna struggle NOT to think I am Bipolar. But I am determined to win over this illness.
I have just bought a Bipolar book and I am searching for one to explain it to my family. They still don't knwo yet. I mask alot if you hadn't gathered already 
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT |
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| RottieWoman |
Posted on September 14 2010 04:59 PM
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Member
Location: No value
Posts: 3044
Joined: 2008-12-31
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welcome, Laura 
a book to help explain is useful
if you feel comfortable you could also write a note
or even a poem....
when I was a case manager I got on the mailing list for a materials clearinghouse of books and other A/V materials on topics such as people dealing with addictions, dual diagnosis, depression, AODA - that kinda thing. Sometimes I still get the catalog. The materials includes client/client's family materials as well as things a counselor would use in group or individual practice. I can give you the name of it <I assume they have a website> in case you would be interested to check to see if they have anything like what you're looking for. |
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| Laura |
Posted on September 14 2010 06:04 PM
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Member
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1229
Joined: 2006-11-16
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Hey Rottie,
I have decided not to tell my family until I have a full diagnosis which is in 6 weeks at least. Think that would be best as I need to get my head around it first. I am kinda ok with the whole idea of being Bipoolar... but I have the little bit of doubt at the moment
I still need to cry and I am gettinng frustrated cause I can't
PS Took another slight panic attack in town again 
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT |
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| CheshireKat |
Posted on September 14 2010 07:37 PM
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Member
Location: United States
Posts: 1860
Joined: 2008-11-14
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Kestrel - I love that in primitive/pagan belief systems, naming something gives you power over it. In the Bible there is a verse of a similar vein: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:12... lol just kidding, 18:21, I had to leave the typo in there just because it was dyscalculia-caused) I know from experience that it is so empowering to just being able to say, "This is what I have. This is the reason my life has been the way it is."
Laura - I think it is a good idea for you to wait until your "official" diagnosis in 6 weeks' time to tell your family. There's no need in getting them upset before you know for sure, and that will give you 6 weeks to come to terms with it a little better. Although to be honest, your family will probably not be surprised once they start reading about it. My mom didn't understand bipolar so at first she was like, "No way, you aren't bipolar, people with bipolar disorder are crazy." But I linked her to some good websites about bipolar disorder (like the NIMH and NAMI websites) and once she started reading up on it, she said, "Okay, I definitely see it now."
Re: your panic attacks, you may or may not have read it yet but panic disorder (recurring panic attacks for no apparent reason) is actually fairly commonly comorbid with bipolar disorder. (Comorbid means having two or more disorders at the same time.) As many as 1 in 5 people with bipolar disorder also have panic disorder. The good news is that for many of those people, if the panic attacks are caused by the bipolar and don't have a separate cause of their own, once you start mood stabilizers to treat your bipolar symptoms the panic attacks also subside. I felt a big decrease in my overall anxiety level when I started mood stabilizers, though my panic attacks did not decrease in frequency. Everyone is different.
Edited by CheshireKat on September 14 2010 07:38 PM
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer |
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| Laura |
Posted on September 14 2010 08:28 PM
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Member
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1229
Joined: 2006-11-16
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Hey Kat,
I think I can't tell folks just yet for that reason they will panic/ be upset etc I think. Ye you are right completley 100% and I will take that advice defo. I have been looking at books to give them to read... so expensive though but I am searching amazon at the mo.
I am hoping my panic attacks take a bit of a back seat as I can't live like that especially when I am working or out and about with friends. I found it hard today as it was and it was a minor one  yikes!!!
BEEN THERE DONE THAT, GOT THE T-SHIRT |
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