Location: Munising, MI, USA Posts: 788 Joined: 2010-10-09
When I was in school, not much was done about bullying, especially if the bullies were the twin children of the School Board President and her niece. I found relief in middle school, especially after I got into a fight with a boy who shoved me so I shoved him back. We were made to go into counseling during lunch for a while, it was better than being suspended. Another time, I had to stand up for myself against a girl who skipped a lot. It didn't get physical that time, but the teacher got nervous. It wasn't the most effective way, and I don't think all issues involving bullying should be dealt with that way, but at some point, the victim does have to stand up.
I was always different in school. I was overweight, I had glasses, braces, and a learning disability. I quickly learned to entertain myself rather than try to fit in. To this day, I am socially reserved, and I think a lot of it does have to do with the way I was treated in elementary school by those twins. My five-year class reunion for high school is coming up. I don't think I'm going. I have no interest in seeing most of the people I went to k-12 with again.
I'm NOT lost, I'm just taking the scenic rout!
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Rottie, thanks for sharing that link. I had tears in my eyes watching the trailer for the "Bully" movie. It is so devastating to think that a young man - a child, really - would take their own life because of the way they were mercilessly bullied by peers.
Like Squeaky, my bullying ended when I stood up and got in my bully's face and told her what four-letter word she could engage in. Not everyone is in a position to do that, and even if they do, that won't always work. Do I think kids who are bullied need to be taught how to fight back? Yes, absolutely. Is that going to solve the problem? Not at all.
It's really disheartening to hear people say that "boys will be boys" and we don't need to address the issue of bullying because it's "just what kids do." Would they be willing to stand up and say that to the face of a parent who lost their child to bullying? More than likely, the people who say that are the kind of people who were bullies when they were in school, so it didn't impact them in the same way.
I'm glad that there are resources like this webpage out there for parents and students who are dealing with bullying in school. I can only hope that with more exposure, more people talking about the issue, and more brains coming together to think up positive, creative solutions to the bullying problem, we will be able to take strides and make a safer, happier world for ALL kids.
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
as in squeaky's case, when I was in school, little was done regarding bullying as it occurred routinely on the playground and in the buildings. One time my mom did see someone hit me when I was in the 6th grade - she had just dropped me off - and she took me into the principal's office and dealt with it - but I was sooo embarrassed and upset about what happened - and knew that this would make everything worse.
In general I was bullied routinely for going to Special Ed through 6th grade and it was especially scary in middle school <7th and 8th grade>. I pretended to be sick a lot. People threw stuff at me, yelled, grabbed me, called me names, kicked me and knocked me down, tripped me, "made" <I put that in quotes because no one literally -made- me do that with a gun or anything but at the time, to me, I felt like I had no choice or I'd be attacked> me pass notes between them, cornered me in the bathroom, made fun of what I ate, made fun of what I wore, how I talked, etc etc.I was scared all the time.
I refused to play some team sports as part of the team sports units in my gym class and got in trouble with my teachers and parents for refusing to play, as opposed to them trying to determine why I wouldn't play. I wouldn't play because I didn't understand the games or the directions, was un-coordinated and clumsy and my being fearful made it worse and I was so tired of always being picked last, reluctantly by classmates or just not all - til a teacher ordered someone to take me into a team as a last resort <and I 'd be the last person standing waiting to be picked>. I was tired of people throwing balls at me and trying to hit me with stuff and screaming in my face when I didn't understand what was going on. And I didn't have the words to express how I felt or what actually was going on in terms of my not understanding something, which made me even more upset and self-conscious.
yeah, I know all about bullying-
Edited by RottieWoman on May 03 2012 01:09 PM
I'm simply going to "ditto" what RottieWoman said about knowing all about bullying. It's like we lived the same childhood in school, RW. I hid myself in books to escape the constant torment.
Like squeaky, my class reunion is set for June and I've decided not to go. There is no one there I'd have anything in common with or want anyting to do with. Of course, at my age this isn't the first class reunion, but I wouldn't go no matter what number we were on and I have never attended any of them.
I'll never forget the case of Dawn Marie Wesley, a 14 yr old girl who committed suicide in November of 2000 due to bullying. She hung herself with her dog's leash in her bedroom. She lived in a city only a short distance from the city where I live. I cried when I heard about her tragic demise. Although I was never suicidal, I could relate to the despair she must have felt having to face her tormentors day after day.
I'm so happy that bullying in schools has become such a recognized issue. Now, if only they could legislate against workplace bullying, I would feel that as a society, we have progressed.
Ladyhawke
Algebra? When I learn decimals and fractions, you're welcome to try teaching me, but unless you have the patience of a saint and are very long-lived, good luck with that...
yeah, I hid a lot in libraries too, and also did a lot of drawings - of horses and dogs. Once or twice I actually spent the whole gym class drawing horses and dogs and some of the kids who bullied me - some of the least physical of them - actually were very intrigued about the drawings and so I sat and drew for them as a way of deflecting any negative attention from myself and also to get out of gym, of course - well, again, teacher saw this and told my folks and again I was in trouble.
I'm so sad to read about Dawn Wesley - tragically, not uncommon when it comes to bullying. I do think with campaigns such as the one on the LD site, and the movie, the real effects of bullying are becoming more recognized. Too late for Dawn .....
I actually was never suicidal either regarding my circumstances. I always knew there would be another tomorrow to potentially be better, and I knew how much my folks loved me. They don't really express love for each other but they can tell me that they love me and hug me. And then in high school I chose to go to an art-based high school where everyone was "different" and it was another counter-cultural period, the 90's, time of punk, Goth, and big hair and leather. I loved high school.
<disclaimer - for my perspective only:>
I mentioned this before, too - if today, I was invited to a middle school or earlier- reunion, I would go. I would go because I don't care anymore what the people from that time period think anymore and I just wouldn't worry about it. I'd go not to find anything in common with anyone from that time, but to see about the possibility of enjoying myself -myself - there as I am and if I happen to run into a hurtful person, then I'd make a choice.
But for me, I wouldn't let children's actions from years ago - which I can neither change nor affect now - dictate my current actions.
Edited by RottieWoman on May 05 2012 12:35 PM
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
I think the only reason that I came out of my elementary/middle school bullying so well is because I had a really strong group of friends. We were the "nerd herd" but we didn't care, we had each other so whatever the bullies did say and do to us was ultimately irrelevant.
I mean it hurt, absolutely hurt, it was really disheartening to be made fun of for the way you look, how you dress, your braces, glasses, height, freckles, lisp, anything and everything. For my friends who were overweight it was even worse. I knew when I raised my hand in class that there was a group of girls in the back snickering at me, or waiting to mock me, calling me a "know it all" because I always raised my hand to give the answer. If I could go back in time and sit next to my 9 year old self in class, I would, just so I could turn around and look those snotty little girls in the face and say, "Hey, it's called being smart, you should try it sometime."
But anyway, point being that at the end of the day, I knew that I had a group of people who liked me for who I was, and I liked them for who they were. So we could all sit together at lunch and even if the people at the table next to us were making fun of us, we could just turn away from it and roll our eyes and say, "They're jerks. Whatever." It still certainly eroded at our self-esteem, but when you're in it together I think it helps buffer you against the worst effects of bullying.
I only ever had one bully get physical with me, she was the girl who used to steal my lunch and push me out of my chair if she wanted my seat. Like literally push me out of my chair! I never told my mom because I knew she'd just march into the school and throw a fit, so instead I got smart about how to deal with that girl.
I think it was the most brilliant thing I ever did in 5th grade, actually. I took my retainer, which I always had to take out when I ate, and instead of wrapping it up discreetly in a napkin, I set it on the top of my lunch inside of my lunch bag and just waited. Soon enough, the girl came around to my table, started pulling my hair, pushing me, and saying, "So what am I having for lunch today, hmmm?" She reached her hand right into my lunch bag... and grabbed onto my disgusting, slobbery retainer. It was the last time she ever tried to steal my lunch!
After that, I just punched her one day when she tried to push me out of my seat, and then she stopped doing that too. She tried to tell the teacher that I hit her and the teacher (who had known about the issues between us for a long time but never really stepped in) just looked at me, kind of smiled, and said, "Now don't tell lies, I know Kat would never hit you, she doesn't hit people, right?" Then she winked at me, and I knew she knew, she was just letting that mean girl get exactly what she had coming to her.
That was the last physical fight I ever had with a bully, in my freshman year when I finally got those girls off my back for good it was all verbal fights, no fists. My mom taught us, "Never start a fight, always finish one." That is, never throw the first punch, but if someone else hits you first, feel free to kick the crap out of them. That always has been and always will be my motto, and it's what I'm going to be teaching my kids, too.
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
You're lucky the bully didn't break your retainer. If that had been me, I would have had to go home and explain to my parents how my retainer was broken. Great story though! ~ Ladyhawke
Algebra? When I learn decimals and fractions, you're welcome to try teaching me, but unless you have the patience of a saint and are very long-lived, good luck with that...
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Ladyhawke, I think she was so grossed out by the fact that she had just grabbed onto my slimy retainer that breaking it never would have crossed her mind!
The funniest thing about this whole story is that by senior year of high school, we were friends. We had the same home room and we used to talk every morning and joke around. She even said, "I can't believe I used to steal your lunch. I don't know why I did that, that was really mean of me, I'm so sorry!" Sometimes people will surprise you, some of them actually do mature over the years and become much nicer.
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
I can't even imagine becoming friends with any of the people who bullied me in school. I'm sure I already posted this somewhere else but I ran into one of the gals I went to school with in a ladies room while I was at the school I took the writing class through.
Despite not seeing me for over 30 years, my former schoolmate acted as though she would rather have been anywhere else but talking to me when I said hello to her. Our entire conversation lasted probably less than a minute, with her body language and lack of enthuiasm in the conversation making it patently obvious she wanted nothing to do with me.
I'm very comfortable with my decision to pass on the grad reunion. No one who is going is anyone I'd care to see anyway. If they meant that much to me I would have kept in touch with them after leaving school.
I give myself credit though for raising my daughters to stand up for themselves and not be bullied. They have good school experiences to look back on because of it.
It's great that you became friends with the girl who bullied you, CheshireKat. You are a very resilient person. Algebra? When I learn decimals and fractions, you're welcome to try teaching me, but unless you have the patience of a saint and are very long-lived, good luck with that...
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Ladyhawke, I'm sorry to hear that she was so rude and uninterested in even having a brief conversation with you. You would think that after THIRTY years she would have learned how to grow up and be a nice person! I guess some people will always be stuck in high school in their heads. Sad for them.
My best friend in K-12 was also picked on a lot in elementary, but she never had the experience of becoming friends/friendly with the people who picked on her. Sometimes when we're in our home town we will run into some of the girls who used to be mean to us, who I eventually became friendly with but she did not. It always goes down the same way - we see each other and they come over and say hello to me, and don't say anything to her. She doesn't speak to them, and they act like she isn't standing right next to me.
It always irks me and makes me say something like, "Yeah, SHE and I were just talking about how long it's been since we've hung out with people from high school!" or something to that effect, to force them to acknowledge that my best friend is standing right freaking there. She isn't really bothered by it, though. She feels like if she didn't talk to them then, there's no point in trying to talk to them now.
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
That's EXACTLY what happened to me once when I was out with my one friend from high school. There is one gal I did keep in touch with and one time we were at a grocery store picking up some trivial items for a day trip. The cashier recognized her and said hello to her. Although I was standing right beside my friend, not once did she acknowledge my presence until my friend made a point of saying that she ought to recognize me too as I went to school with her as well. I just smiled genially and went along with her feigned look of suprise and exaggerated pretense of "not recognizing me".
You'd think after 22 years post-high school these people would grow up, wouldn't you?
Algebra? When I learn decimals and fractions, you're welcome to try teaching me, but unless you have the patience of a saint and are very long-lived, good luck with that...
Location: United States Posts: 1860 Joined: 2008-11-14
Ladyhawke,
You would think, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to matter how many years it's been since high school... some people just never grow up. They thrive on that drama and stupidity and they act that way for the rest of their lives. All we can do is get out of the way and let that crazy train just keep right on chugging without dragging us along behind it!
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer
I never was bullied in school, but I was the victim of moral harassment on my very first job, where I got fired and on my second job, which I kept longer and endured the harassment for years before getting fired again – For those that don’t know me, I was diagnosed with dyscalculia in my thirties – but yes, my dyscalculia had something to do with the moral harassment that I was a victim of.
I had a weakness (dyscalculia) which I didn’t know about then, but the point is that the bully noticed. I excelled at everything except that I had a hard time dealing with numbers.
That was a recipe for disaster given that bullies operate out of jealousy and target their victims based on qualities that the victim has. If on top of that the victim has a weakness, you can be certain that the bully is going to use it against her.
Interestingly though, I had to find-out about my dyscalculia and come to peace with it before I could recognize that I was bullied/harassed and come to peace with that. (Before I got diagnosed I thought it was my fault and that I deserved to get fired although I didn’t know what I did wrong)
If you want to learn more about about bullying/moral harassment in the workplace, check-out www.bullyonline.org/ that site helped me tremendously and is a gold-mine (lots of ah-ha moments).
Edited by Toe_Nail on May 20 2012 10:42 PM
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer-- Albert Einstein
I was bullied at school but even worse when I went into further education and it was purely down to LD .... or at least owing to my choice of username.
I suggest posters of this forum get together and found a chain of learning centres across the country where bullied kids with learning disabilities can go and receive a safe and taylored education - free from bullies.
Location: Texas USA Posts: 6101 Joined: 2008-05-25
Across 'which' country, 2-short-planks? <giggles> - jus'
P.S. But you're right! Let's start a school. I'll be able to teach Spanish and Art. Now all we need is someone with a doctorate to make it legal.
.....
