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Hey Just and Kat,

Thanks guys, I am all over the place at the moment so thank you!!

I am just depressed and go on a self destructive streak when I am depressed. I go on the whole "I hate myself" stretch.

I really did love him though. I think my mania kicked in... I will explain in pm Kat. Just I am really dumb to think he really loved me huh!! I feel like a fool. I deleted him off msn as I thought it would be too hard for me to speak to him. I am just so disappointed in myself.

Thank god I never bought my plane ticket to America huh!! Least I am not into body art in any sense.

How can I stop having destructive words to myself? I hate myself and see no good in me. I would love to be someone else as its horrible being me.

I am naive when it comes to people, I trust them too much and I make them superior in my head. When they don't act the way my head thinks they should act I am hurt. I put people on a pedalstool and when they dont live up to it, its a rough fall to the ground. My Dad always says I trust people easily... I want to change that.. but then I become suspicious of people and trust no one.

I am sorry to be such a gimp... I am just so angry and unsure what to think or feel. I just want someone to love me in a romantic way not cause they have to