Posted by RottieWoman on March 11 2012 02:48 PM
I was brutally bullied in my younger school years and still happen to live - with various twists and turns - about 5 minutes from my middle school <7/8th grade> which was the worst of it. I pretended to be sick a lot and was scared all the time. I also purposely pretended to be ill on my 8th grade graduation day because I had been cast as the Princess in a Spanish-language play <I was in Spanish immersion program - including math <ha!>> . I hadn't wanted to be in a play and definately didn't want the starring role that I knew many others - including those who bullied me - coveted. I can guess now that this was the teacher's kind attempt to improve my self-esteem but as is often the case, it was misguided. So anyway, I didn't go that day and I never knew what happened with the play, which was supposed to be performed in front of the whole school.
But, the point is - now, if someone from that time- teacher, student - would get in touch with me and ask to meet, or let me know they were having a reunion - would I go?
YES. I'd go. Why? Cuz my holding onto all that, only serves my drama and my ego. It doesn't change what happened, it doesn't change them and it doesn't help me feel better about myself. If I let them and that time guide my actions , then THAT has control over me. That still has power. I need to own my own power.
People who act in hurtful and scary ways have problems that are their own, not mine. That has everything to do with them and nothing to do with me.
If I was to go to a reunion with people who hurt me then as a child, and still acted that way at the reunion, I'd think that they are still very broken people. I then have the power to do any number of things - try to find other people to discuss with, not worry about it and stay, or leave. But it would be my choice.
Holding on poisons me and reinforces any despair. But I can choose not to be a victim anymore.