Thread subject: The Dyscalculia Forum :: Been so long
Posted by Laura on June 09 2012 10:33 PM
Hey there guys!!
Been a long time since I really posted on here. Pretty much cause losing my job I feel I haven't got anything to contribute. I have been coming on here once a month and reading the posts on here. I feel I don't really have a role in life at the moment until I start working. But anyways. Just thought I would say hi and that I am still here :)
Posted by dandy22 on June 10 2012 11:46 PM
Sorry to hear about your job, but we're glad to hear from you. I hope you find a job that you love soon and keep posting. Good luck with the job hunt!
Posted by justfoundout on June 11 2012 01:39 PM
Glad you've been reading our posts. I've wondered how you are and if that job had lasted. Sorry you lost it? Any new hopes on the horizon? One of my friends got a great job for a big company. Then his mom got sick and he left the US to go visit her for a few days. He had his bosses' permission to leave on that trip, but when he got back, employees of the company met him at the airport to tell him he was fired, and to put him in a taxi to get on a different airplane. He said that he was in shock. But two days ago, he got a new job. It took a lot of interviews for him to get both jobs. Please don't give up looking for work. The economy is beginning to perk up a little. - jus'
Posted by CheshireKat on June 11 2012 06:30 PM
Good to see you again Laura! I have been thinking about you periodically and wondering how you're doing and how life has been treating you. Sorry to hear about losing your job, but Jus is right, keep looking and never give up. There is a job out there for you somewhere! In the meantime, have you thought about doing volunteer work so that you will have something to do to keep yourself busy and productive? That might give you something purposeful to do a couple of times a week, some way to contribute to society that you can be proud of.
Posted by Laura on June 11 2012 07:15 PM
Thanks for all the thoughts of me :)
Ye I have applied for a Youth Worker volunteering role at my local community centre. Waiting on a reply and I get through I need to go for an interview and then fingers crossed I have the job. I was meant to be contacting the EDU- Employment Disability Unit this month as I was there in February and was told to do volunteering and come back in June. However I haven't done any volunteering yet. So I spoke to my CPN- Community Psychiatric Nurse and he says to wait till I have had at least 2 months volunteering before contacting them again.
I am still playing Badminton on Monday's and Swimming on Tuesday's. I have stopped going to the Tai Chi. I started going to Yoga but also gave that up. I also still get emotional support once a week from my Support Worker from Penumbra.
Unfortunately I am still living at home. Wish I wasn't. Mum and I are arguing a bit. I feel she treats me like a kid. We got some great news in March and April.... My Brother and his Girlfriend are having a baby due 22nd September 2012 and then they announced they are engaged. So everyone is happy for them. Also my Twin moved out of the house and in with her Boyfriend in April. She loves her wee flat. I am flat sitting in July when they go back to Poland for a wedding. My eldest cousin came back home with her family 3 weeks ago. They live in Canada. They came back for my Uncle- her Dad's 65th Birthday/Retirement Party. We had a ball. They arrived back in Canada today :(
I have just came out of a depressive episode thank god I am on the up. My Psych and CPN had said they couldn't give me any Anti-Depressant's as they may make me manic. I was really low.... suicidal at 1 point. But I managed through sheer luck really. My medication has been lowered as my hair has been excessively been falling out. It was really getting me down mroe so. So they lowered my Depakote. There has been talk of upping my Serequol and or me going on Lithium..... but I am refusing Lithium. I have also done a Crisis Plan just incase I need to be sectioned....... I really thought I needed it last month. I became paranoid that the police were watching/following me EVERYWHERE I went. It freaked me out, I refused to leave my house. But I know it was just my head messing with me all a long.
Oh have joined a bookclub which Penumbra has started up. Got my 1st book the other day. I have 3 weeks to read it so that's fine. Its a book on a boy who has Autism.... handy I know some things about it lol!
Oh ye and finally I think I was informed last week when I saw my CPN that my Psychiatrist is leaving in September and also our sessions may be cut as his manager thinks if we meet monthly then "the patient" is doing fine...... ARGGGGGGGH!!! This is sooooo not true!! Oh ye and he had a student nurse in with him too. She was asking me questions etc I really don't mind students as well how else will/can they learn if they don't experience things 1st hand. The last time well it was the 1st time for me to have a student sitting in on my session. I thought I was fine... but my CPN later told me I was VERY anxious and was speed talking oooops!!
Life is pretty boring at the moment. I'm at the stage now where I am sitting hypo-manic. I am very irrated and slightly agitated. But am doing fine on top of it all, so no-one knows anything or realises I am not fine at the moment. Hope I can keep this up. Getting roughly between 3 hours sleep a night up to 14 hours sleep a night. Its flipping crazy
Hope you are all doing good?
Posted by justfoundout on June 12 2012 07:33 PM
Thanks for the update, Laura. Two months of volunteering before the Employment Disability people will help you? I hope that you'll be able to find something near your home and something that you really like to do. Laura, hair loss can be caused by so many things, but one that comes to my mind is 'thyroid'. Please try to get tested to see if you have a thyroid problem (hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism), as this could also be responsible for your loss of sleep and the fast talking. Here's a link to an article with a little information on that subject. http://thyroid.ab...0signs.htm
"Hair and skin are particularly vulnerable to thyroid conditions, and in particular, hair loss is frequently associated with thyroid problems. With hypothyroidism, hair frequently becomes brittle, coarse and dry, while breaking off and falling out easily. Skin can become coarse, thick, dry,and scaly. In hypothyroidism, there is often an unusual loss of hair in the outer edge of the eyebrow. With hyperthyroidism, severe hair loss can also occur, and skin can become fragile and thin."
"Hair loss is another sign that your thyroid hormones may be out of balance. Both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism can cause hair to fall out. In most cases, the hair will grow back once the thyroid disorder is treated.
"Thyroid disorders can have a noticeable impact on your energy level and mood. Hypothyroidism tends to make people feel tired, sluggish, and depressed. Hyperthyroidism can cause anxiety, problems sleeping, restlessness, and irritability."
I hope that these links will open for you, over there in England. But, I've pasted here the parts that were crucial, so that you can read them even if the links won't open. Hope you'll find something fascinating to do for your volunteer hours. - jus'
Posted by justfoundout on June 14 2012 05:49 PM
Laura, just thought that I'd give this post of mine a 'bump' so that you'll be sure to see it. - jus'
Posted by Laura on June 15 2012 06:55 PM
Sorry my post above was rather long. I am cycling through mania at the moment very little sleep and speed typing is what I am best at, at the moment.
I am banning myself from the internet for a while as I can not trust myself online. I have put myself in dangerous positions and have also gotten myself into situations I really can't cope with. So today I spoke to my support worker and I have decided to do the decent thing and ban myself completely. Just for a wee while may a week or so. I am typing this post via my phone. I am not due to see anyone professional till 25th June so I am flying solo at the moment. Just hope I can stick to my plan of no internet.
No my thyroid is fine had blood work done and its fine. My hair lose is due to my meds so one of my meds was reduced and that has seemed to have lowered how much hair comes out every morning which is sooooo much better.
Posted by justfoundout on June 15 2012 08:42 PM
Okay. Thanks for tellng me that you've had your thyroid tested already. Glad that reducing the meds has saved that pretty head of hair of yours. Well, at least posting here on this forum has always been a safe place for you to find company,... not so exciting,... but friendship and safe conversation.
I did something today that was fun and made me feel good, so I'll tell you about it. I had some leather scraps,... factory leftovers that a friend had given me,... already cut out and with rows of holes already punched out around the edges. I gathered them together and figured out that if I would glue on some small pieces of velcro, they could be turned into tiny coin purses. Actually, they might also be used to hold flashdrives or a small sewing kit, etc. I have a friend who finished her BA in Social Worker last year. She takes care of welfare children, ages 5 to 12, at a shelter. So, I made up 11 kits for her, plus two that I finished myself as models, and took them over to her at the shelter.
I went ahead and threaded the big needles with the yarn, 16" in each one. And, I put the first stitches with a firm knot in each little pouch, so that the kids will know where to start and won't end up sewing them together with the wrong sides facing out. It took me much longer than I'd imagined to put this together for them, but I was really happy when I handed my friend the plastic bag, all complete and ready to go. She said that she will report back to me how it goes and will take pictures for me of the children making the kits. And then, she texted me again a few minutes after I'd left, thanking me again.
This was so much fun for me that I wish I had you here to help me make more kits for the children. But maybe there is a 'shelter' near your home where you could do something like this spontaneaously yourself. Nowadays, there are many wives that have to leave their homes for their own safety and the safety of their children. But they only are allowed to stay at the shelter for as long as they are in danger, and after that, they have to move on to another place and make a life for themselves. In the meantime, the children still need to be entertained and given the opportunity to learn something when possible. I think that letting the children 'make something' that they can take back to show their mothers will bring a little happiness to their world. Have you ever learned to sew, Laura? Does your house have a sewing machine:? Just a thought. - jus'
leather pouches sans thread, needles, and velcro
leather pouches ready for kids
Edited by justfoundout on June 15 2012 08:45 PM
Posted by Laura on June 21 2012 09:00 PM
Wow your very talented!!! I am not creative in any way at all!
I still haven't read my book for book club, been busy watching dvd's. I am stuck on boxsets at the moment. Re-watching ER on series 4 at the moment. I have up to series 11 need to get the last few ones.
It's continously raining here bah!!! Think Scotland has had it's summer. Torrential rain today localised flooding etc.
I just can't sleep anymore. Why bother. I take my evening meds and they do nothing to make me tired. Even when I am out all day and busy I am still WIDE AWAKE at night. My meds use to knock me out. I am gonna talk to my Psychiatrist when I see him on Monday. Dreading Monday as this might be the last time I see him. He is leaving in September. I hate change. Don't really cope with it. Get too emotional etc. Damn emotions. Have stopped taking my morning meds as I am fine now. I am functioning well. I don't need them. Just wish I could sleep.
Posted by justfoundout on June 22 2012 03:21 PM
So sorry about your sleep deprivation, Laura. When I miss my sleep, nothing that I do brings me the same pleasure that it does when I've slept well. I yawn when I don't want to, and I can't make my mind learn new things. - jus'
Posted by justfoundout on June 25 2012 05:44 PM
How did it go with the psychiatrist on Monday, Laura? - jus'
Posted by Laura on June 25 2012 06:41 PM
Thanks Manoj9585, I know a job isn't everything.... but unfortunately money is. I am so skint I am struggling to pay even £20 every 2 weeks to my folks as board money. Last week when I saw my Support Worker she spoke to me about my volunteering which I still haven't heard about so this week we are gonna look into another volunteering job I can do.
Thanks Just, Well as usual it was not really that interesting. I was in his room for 15 mins. He has said he is not upping my sleep med or anything despite him seeing for himself the hours I am sleeping. I am either sleeping anything from 14-18 hours to under 5 hours a night to none at all. He says cause I am still functioning I am fine. Argh!!! He yet again told me I need a routine. But how the hell can I get a routine if I can't sleep or can't wake up? He spoke about my job and how that was my structure but now I don't work I have lost that inability. Grrrr!!
I have decided to get a bus pass as I really can't keep going on like this. I have worked out I will save every week £16 on bus fares and in total £832 a year!! My Psych had to sign and confirm my diagnosis and also stamp my form to say I do need a bus pass etc. All I need to do now is get a passport photo and take proof of my address and date of birth and then that's it. So fingers crossed I get it within the next couple of weeks.
I have heard a funny thing...... Winnie The Pooh's Character's are based on Mental Health Issues...... this is hilarious.
Winnie The Pooh- Eating disorder (excessive honey eating)
Owl- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (thinks he is cleverer than everyone else and that everyone else's brains are fluff)
Piglet- Panphobia (fear of everything, hence his ears twitch)
Christopher Robin- Schizophrenia (believes all his toys come to life)
Thinking about this and I agree. But every little boy and girl believes their toys come to life don't they? What about Toy Story lol!
Posted by justfoundout on June 25 2012 06:51 PM
That's funny about Winnie the Pooh, and the characters having mental disorders. I'm glad you are getting the bus pass. Will you be able to use it for getting around even when you aren't on your way to a medical appointment? At my former community college in Dallas, they gave bus passes to students that lasted all semester while they were enrolled in classes. It did me little good, however, because I live in a neighboring city where there is no bus service. That was several years ago. They may be working on something now. If they would get bus service, I might be able to get a job teaching in a Dallas community college.
Have you ever found an herbal store? If I were there, I'd drag you to one. :-) - jus'
Posted by Laura on June 25 2012 07:08 PM
Yes I will be able to use my bus pass on all buses in Scotland. There is a pass called +1 which is helpful if you need assistance on the bus. But I don't think I will be entitled to that as I just have mental problems. Means the person your with gets on the bus free. My Support Worker Paul has a Rail card which he can use throughout Scotland. He too suffers from Bipolar. I am a little bit scared about using the bus pass though as well the bus drivers all know me as I use the bus most days. I pay full fare where as soon I will just have to show my card, put it on the card metre and tell them my destination.
Awww that sucks about your bus pass. Wow no bus service where you stay?
Lol!! I have found a herbal shop and have bought valerian root?? Think that's the name its for sleep? I'm lol'ing at the thought of you dragging me to a herbal shop ::D
Posted by CheshireKat on June 25 2012 07:19 PM
I'm really disappointed to hear that your psychiatrist doesn't seem to be helping you a whole lot. Have you talked about changing the type of mood stabilizer you're on, or changing the dose, or adding on an adjunctive medication? From what you're describing to me, it does not sound like your moods are being controlled very well at all. Once you can get your mood stabilized, the sleep will improve itself drastically. Sleep and bipolar episodes are very deeply intertwined, when one goes, so does the other, and when one improves, often the other does too.
Be careful when using alternative treatments like herbs. Valerian root can be a good relaxant for someone without bipolar disorder, but for someone with bipolar disorder it can actually trigger a manic episode. Also, you don't know how the compounds in Valerian root will interact with the medications you're already on. You need to talk to your doctor before you take any sort of herbal treatment. Just because they are herbs sold over the counter doesn't mean they are perfectly safe - they are a medication, just a different kind, and you need to treat them as you would a medication.
I hope you're able to get your bus pass, it sounds like it would be a good thing for you to have. That would give you a lot more freedom of mobility to get yourself to social events, volunteering positions, etc.
Posted by Laura on June 25 2012 08:16 PM
I know.... I was really annoyed and I said that to my Mum. I have spoken to my CPN about changing my meds and he said I could change altogether or I could change onto just Serequol (Quentinpine) but I would need to probably go up 900mg instead of my normal 175mg XR. But nothing has been done. It was just said. I don't know if my psych was kinda like whatever since he is leaving in September. I am floating at the moment along Hypo-Mania but he says I am fine. I just want to be able to get up a decent time and be ok! At the moment I am getting up as late as 4pm.... a whole day has been wasted!
Ok, will look into herbs suitable for me. I think I am ok on Valerian Root. Only took it a couple of times.
If I get my bus pass, I will be able to maybe fill my week with more activities as money stops me from doing a lot of things.
Posted by justfoundout on June 26 2012 08:15 PM
I'm glad that the bus pass will help you have some money left over for more fun things. At the herbal store where I like to go they have reference books available to the public,... right there, so that we can look things up. There are great herbs that I've used in the past, but haven't needed for a few years. So, then I forget about some of them and need to review their effects. Also, some plants have a latin name and a common name,... or several common names, depending on where you live. A store clerk might think that they don't have something, but when you look it up in the reference book, that gives all of the names by which the plant, root, leaves, or blossoms are known.
Speaking of herbs, I did a series of ceramic boxes last semester in which I painted 'my version' of some pretty flowering herbs on the lids. They were 'high fired', which means they were fired at a very high temperature. The glazes and slips had to be high fire also. These 'go on' as one color and 'come out' as a different color, so that you have to know the end result as you are doing your painting. Yet, what you get is always a surprise. I'll post a few photos of my 'ceramic herb boxes'. - jus'
Posted by RottieWoman on June 27 2012 03:38 PM
'jus, I LOVE them! :)
Posted by Laura on June 27 2012 06:22 PM
You are a very talented woman!!
Thank you for your kind words. In our local paper, there was an article about a Bipolar Group which is in another town. Its quite far away from me. They were holding an open evening tonight. I have been tossing with the idea of going but have chickened out. I spoke to my Support Worker when we were at the swimming yesterday, she said she had seen that too but it was quite far away. She asked if I was going and I said my anxieties on buses are getting a bit out of control. She sai maybe Penumbra might need to start a Bipolar Group? She said even if we think about it. I attend a Depression Group every 2 weeks for 2 hours. Our funding got cut completely so we do the group outwith and in our own times. My Support Worker said its a good idea to think about. So who knows.
Posted by justfoundout on June 28 2012 03:11 PM
Laura, I think that it would be a good thing for your local place (Penumbra?) to start a support group. Everyone probably has a lot of practical things that they could share with others, but they need to be able to talk in an environment where no one is expecting everyone else to be up 100 percent highly functional. Out in the 'real world' people have unrealistic expectations and are ready to pounce when they don't get the service (or explanation) that they think they deserve. But there are many people with a lot of good to share who just don't feel well enough to meet everyone elses' expectations. I'd like it if you would think back over your work experience and see if there is some part of it that you'd like to share with the 'new support group'. Then, you might even look around for some old training materials that you were given and re-write parts of that material so that a 'layman' could understand it. If Penumbra knew that they could count on you for at least one presentation to the group, this might give them motivation to get the group started.
RW - thanks for your compliment. : - ) jus'
Posted by Laura on June 28 2012 06:34 PM
Ye I hope Penumbra do start one up but not holding my breath as it takes a lot to start a group up.... you need dedication from people to come and for "supporters" to be able to be there all the time.
I have actually joked with my Support Workers that I should just write myself a care/support plan. Would make my life a lot easier lol! Did them all the time in work lol!!
Posted by justfoundout on June 28 2012 06:48 PM
Yes,... it's a joke when you say you'll write your own plan. But seriously, it might do people in a support group a lot of good to listen to you tell about the criteria used for writing a plan 'back when you did it' for other people. Hearing about the work that you used to do might even give those other people ideas on what would make them feel useful to society themselves. They may have been sick for so long that their counselors forget that they need 'hope' and something that makes them feel useful in order to have the desire to pull out of their current condition. There are, for example, blind people who need for someone to make 'recordings' of books for them. And, there are people who need literacy instructors, even though they are adults. Any of these people could turn out to be a 'new best friend' to the person willing to help them. You could pool your knowledge of the type of employment you've had with others who have worked in different fields and make presentations to the support group. - jus'
Posted by Laura on July 01 2012 03:38 PM
I guess I can/could do that. It's hard to write one for yourself though as you don't really "see" everything involved in your care. I could do the guys at work no worries as I "see" them and their issues/problems etc on a daily basis. I would need to ask friends to see what they would add to it?
My Support Worker said to me on Friday.... "You could set up a bipolar group" I am a bit unsure. She said to think about it. I mean I am still going through my own issues etc. I am not 100% better at all. Would I be able to set up a group and help other people who suffer/know someone who suffers from Bipolar? It would be a lot of hard work. I just don't know if I am cut out for it. I would need to work on guidelines and I would have a starter pack on Bipolar.
It would consist of
1. What Bipolar is
2. The types of Bipolar
3. Phone numbers and websites to visit
4. Numbers for when in Crisis
5. A weekly/fortnightly agenda?
Would like to get professionals involved..... Also I would want people to feel open to talk about their experiences with Bipolar, meental health professionals, hospitals, therapy etc etc
It would be fun but a lot of work I think
Posted by justfoundout on July 01 2012 04:03 PM
You might also ask if there would be 'back-up hosts', so that always being present at the meetings wouldn't be all your own responsibility. - jus'
Posted by Ladyhawke on July 01 2012 04:17 PM
Wow, Jus, those ceramic pieces are awesome! Well done! :)
Posted by Laura on July 01 2012 05:05 PM
That's true I should have maybe a "team" behind me just so I have their support if I can not be there for some reason. I think that is an excellent idea Just!! Can't believe I didn't think of it lol!
I worry I won't be able to do it though. What if's always come into it. I know I have came soooo far, but I know I will always have blips of ill health. Will I be able to give sound advice? Life experience alone I am fine with and can help people see there is light at the end of the tunnel. But I just don't know if I am able yet. I have emailed my 4 friends a guideline and asked for their input so I will let you know the outcome of that
Posted by justfoundout on July 02 2012 12:17 AM
I think, Laura, that as long as you make it clear that it won't always be 'you' in charge of the meeting, you'll be fine. After all, it's the same with work or school. If we could only do the job or the classwork when we feel like it, that would take away all the pressure to be 'at our best' on days when we aren't.
Thanks Ladyhawk, and also to you Laura, for your compliments on my art work. I like to make 'pretty things', not sad, dark things. I like to make things that I would want to see on a table or on a wall in my own house. I think that the teacher caught onto this because at my last critique, he said, "Well, you've got a pretty good haul this time." - jus'